Mother Dear
by ghostwriter122
Summary: Abby returns to Chicago after seven years. FINISHED! read and REVIEW!
1. Return

** Mother Dear**

A/N: my first fanfic, so please be nice!

DISCLAIMER: anything you recognize, I don't know.

**Please be nice and review!**

**~*~**

Abby's cold fingers clutched themselves around the Styrofoam coffee cup trying to suck in the warmth that it was emitting.  She stamped her feet against the ground, her legs becoming numb and she released one hand from the figure beside her to pull her scarf up above her nose before returning it back to hold onto the small child.

 "Don't do that," said Abby as the little girl whose hand she was holding bent over to pick up a handful of the snow that blanketed the cold cement ground.  The girl persisted and Abby let go of her hand to crouch down, coffee cup in hand, and face the child on eye-level.

 "I said stop."  She commanded. The little girl dropped the snow she was holding and turned her head to glance away from Abby's eye.

 "Thank you," muttered Abby as she straightened up.  She looked down the track impatiently, waiting for the lights and high-pitched chugging noise that would declare the arrival of the 11:35 train.  Abby's attention shifted to the little bundle of pink coat, hat, mittens and scarf beside her.

 "Are you warm enough?"  She asked the girl who nodded her head in response.  

The train finally arrived and Abby led the girl onto one of the compartments and lifted her onto one of the few vacant chairs.

"Mommy?"  The little girl caught Abby's attention.

            "Hmm?" Abby faced her, taking off her gloves so she could tuck an escaped curl back into the little girl's hat.

 "Are we almost there?"  Abby nodded and faced the direction that the train was traveling there.

            "Almost."  She said.

I know not much has happened yet, but there's lots more to come.  Tel me what you think!


	2. Him again

Mother Dear part 2

A/N: I know that season ten hasn't aired in some places yet, so beware S10 mentions (but only what has already aired)

DISCLAIMER: Anything you recognize, I don't own.

~*~

The El train came to a halt at their stop.  Abby held tight onto the little girl's hand as she led her down the steps and onto the sidewalk of the busy road.  The girl skipped to keep up to Abby's quick pace.

Abby dropped her coffee into a trash can they passed and she slowed down as a large hospital came into view.

"Mommy?"

"Hmm?"

"Is this your new work-place?"

"Yeah."  They both stood staring at the building for a few moments in silence.  Cars passed by and people swerved around them as they rushed down the sidewalk.  The little girl began to fidget and Abby grasped her hand tighter.

"Mommy?"  Abby snapped back to attention and look into the girls questioning eyes.

"Is my school near here?"  Abby nodded and, remembering where they were headed, picked up her pace, leaving the hospital behind for now.  

~*~

Abby approached the building for the second time that day.  It seemed much more foreboding now that she did not have a reassuring grasp on her daughter's small hand.  She hated having to return, she hated that they couldn't afford not to.  This was the only place that seemed to need ER nurses.  She smiled to herself as she remembered the dangerously low number of nurses and the dangerously high number of hours they were all required to work.  

Seven years was a long time.  Maybe they wouldn't be there anymore.  Maybe they would have forgotten.  Maybe _HE_ wouldn't be there anymore.  She shrugged her shoulders nervously and approached the ice-covered automatic ER doors.

Abby approached the admit. desk.  

"Hi, I'm Abby Lockhart, I'm new here.  Is Dr…."  She looked at the slip of paper in her hand, "… Dr. Bennings here?"  The tall, balding man at the desk glanced at her apathetically.  

"Yeah, she's around.  I'll give her a page."

"_ABBY!??!!"_She heard a shriek coming from somewhere behind her and she turned her head quickly in the direction of the noise.

"Susan!"  She exclaimed giving Dr. Lewis a big hug.  "Long time no see."

"You look great!"  Susan said her voice still annoyingly high-pitched in excitement.

"Thanks.  You don't look too shabby yourself."  Abby smiled.

"So, what are you hear for?  Come to tie loose ends?"

"Actually," began Abby, "I got a job here.  My daughter and I moved back to Chicago and I needed a job.  This was the only place that was hiring ER nurses."  The grin wiped itself off Susan's face.

"You're working here?  You have a daughter?"  Abby glances to her right and then returned eye-contact with Susan.

"Ummm, yeah."  She muttered, fidgeting with the zipper on her coat.

"That's great!  I didn't know!"  Susan exclaimed, "We'll be working together again, it will be just like old times!  Who's the lucky man?"

Abby hesitated.  

"Um, actually.  He and I aren't close anymore."

She smiled again, nervously, and looked just beyond Susan's head, embarrassed she didn't want to make eye-contact.  A familiar man was approaching the admit. desk with a chart in one hand and his stethoscope in another.  His tall, lean figure and handsome face was such that would make any woman turn to get an extra glance at him.

"Oh my God," said Abby.

"Carter."


	3. Flowers in the spring

**Mother Dear**

A/N:  **Read and Review PLEASE!**  Also, ignore the boringness of the first few chapters. I just have to give background info.  It will get more interesting as the story starts up more.

DISCLAIMER: Anything you recognize, I don't own.

~*~

Susan turned around and then quickly turned back to face Abby.

"Hey, Abby…"  Abby faced her, but her eyes gave way to her distraction, "Why don't I show you around?  A lot has changed in seven years."  She looked over her shoulder at Carter once more, grabbed hold on Abby's arm and pulled her toward the lounge.

They walked into the lounge and Susan eyed Abby sheepishly. 

"So," asked Abby, trying to sound nonchalant, "how is everybody?"

"You mean Carter?"

"Well, I –"

"He's great."

"How's Kem?" Abby asked, but her voice sounded harsher than she had intended.

"She's –"

"And the baby.  How's the baby?" Abby's voice was becoming shrill.

"They're-"

"How old is he now?  Six?  Seven?"

"Abby-"

"Carter must really like being a dad.  What is this?  John Carter IV?"  Abby practically spit it out.

"Abby!" Abby faced Susan and, seeing the look in Susan's eye, she listened quietly, "They're dead."

After a moment of silence that felt like much longer, Abby cleared her throat and fidgeted with a ring on one of her fingers.

"Well…"  She said breaking the silence.  This was followed by another pregnant pause, "I just had to stop by to talk to Dr. Bennings.  I don't start until tomorrow and I have to go and pick Ashley up from school.  So-" Susan looked devastated.

"Abby, I didn't mean it like that.  Honestly, don't do this, Abby."

Abby gazed intently out the window trying to seem as though she was very interested in the shape of the clouds.

"Abby…"  Abby picked up her bag and looked at Susan.

"Don't worry about it."  She said, "I mean, what did I expect coming back after seven years without seeing or hearing from anyone."  She turned to leave.

"Abby, I just have one question."  Abby faced Susan.

"Why did you leave?" 

"It's complicated."  Abby sighed and finally returned to the admit. desk to ask for the whereabouts of Dr. Bennings.

~*~

Dr. Bennings finally retreated from Trauma 1 pulling the trauma gown and blood stained rubber gloves off.  She approached Admit.  looking for a new chart to attend to.

"Hey, Dr. B."  said the man at the desk, "You've got a visitor."  He nodded his head toward Abby who was sitting in a chair near triage.  When she noticed his gesture, Abby stood up and approached Dr. Bennings with her hand out.

"Hi, I'm Abby Lockhart," she stated, shaking Dr. Benning's hand.

"Nice to meet you, Ms. Lockhart, I'm Olivia Bennings, chief of emergency medicine.  You must be the new nurse."  Abby nodded, smiling.  "I wasn't aware that you were starting until tomorrow."

"Oh, I'm not," began Abby, "but I got a phone call stating that you wanted me here a day early for a walk through or something along those lines. And please, call me Abby." 

"Ah, right, I remember now."  She motioned for Abby to follow her as she led her throughout the various trauma rooms, drug lockup, and etc.  Abby was silently praying that no matter what, she didn't run into Carter.

"Well, I'm glad to see that you've taken so easily to the surroundings here," Said Olivia Bennings as they made their way back to the admit. desk.  Abby smiled again and briefly pondered over whether to tell Dr. Bennings that she had worked there years ago.  She decided against it.

"I guess we'll see you bright and early tomorrow.  Ask Brian at admit. to give you a full copy of this month's schedule.  We've taking into account your situation and have tried to give you only day shifts so that you can spend the nights with you daughter." 

Abby smiled gratefully and thanked Dr. Bennings profusely.

"Yes, well, we'll see you tomorrow."  Said Bennings and she turned on her heel to attend to the gurneys that had just come crashing through the doors from the ambulance bay.

~*~

"How was school today?" asked Abby as she took her daughter's knapsack from her, "do you like your new teachers?"  Ashley nodded thoughtfully, took Abby's hand and said, 

"Mommy, how come we had to leave New York?  School was better there."  She was skipping again to keep up to Abby's quick pace.  The air was cold and harsh and Abby's ears were getting numb even beneath her thick hat.

"Ashley, we've discussed this.  Chicago is where I used to live; it's cheaper than New York and I could find a good job here.  We can live in a bigger apartment here and we have a porch.  We can plant flowers this spring.  Remember how you always wanted to plant flowers outside?"  The girl nodded.  Abby stopped once to make sure zipper was all the way done up and that her hat covered her ears completely, but the rest of the ride home was made in silence.

~*~

Abby lay awake late into the night.  She had stayed up too late it was trying to get some unpacking done.  She knew that she would be pressed for time and that the boxes would most probably remain unopened for months, but she had tried nonetheless.

She hated having to move her daughter.  Ashley had been so happy in New York, but the truth was that Abby couldn't make ends meet there.  She had to choose between having her rapidly growing daughter in shoes that pinched her toes or uprooting her and moving her in the middle of the school year.  She had, obviously chosen the latter and she hoped that it would turn out to be the right decision.

She shifted slightly in bed as she thought of having to return to work with Susan and Carter and the others.  She didn't even know who of her old co-workers still worked at county.  She hadn't kept in touch with any of them when she left so long ago.  She was surprised that Susan had been so friendly when she saw her.  She was, after all, one of Carter's best friends.

Her thoughts had returned to Carter, as they so often did.  She couldn't imagine what it would be like on their first encounter.  Her stomach fluttered and she didn't want to think about it anymore, but the image of him approaching her today kept sliding back into her mind, haunting her dreams and forcing her into a fitful night of little sleep.


	4. Recognition

**Mother Dear**

A/N: Okay, finally, I can start thinking about plot and not background!

DISCLAIMER: Anything you recognize, I don't own.

~*~

"Ashley!" Abby called to the little sleeping figure in the bed.  She flicked the light on and the little girl groaned and shifted to turn her face away from the blaring light.

"Ashley!  Up!  Come on, you have to get ready for school."  Abby approached the bed and shook the little girl lightly.  

"Mommy, it's too cold to get out of bed."  Abby looked at her daughter sympathetically.

"Look, I picked your clothes for you and put them on your bed.  You can get dressed under the covers, okay?  You can brush your teeth after you're dressed and I'll make you hot chocolate."  The little girl apparently found this rather tempting as she began to dress quietly beneath the heavy pink covers.  Abby sighed loudly and headed towards the kitchen.

~*~

After dropping Ashley off at school, she headed back towards the hospital.  She kicked the snow around as she trudged along, dreading returning to the hospital.  If last night's lack of sleep had told her anything, it was that she was crazy to return.  

She looked up only to find herself right in front of the hospital.  She had been so lost in thought that she hadn't noticed.  

She entered the empty doctor's lounge and found the locker with the post-it that said 'Abby Lockhart' on it.  After changing into her scrubs, she shrugged off any doubts she may have and walked out into the hall waiting for instruction.

The old man at admit. - Brian, was that his name? Abby couldn't remember - called her over.

"Hey, Lockhart, multiple MVA coming in.  Four victims.  ETA 2 minutes.  Bennings wants you on this one."  Abby groaned to herself and went to fetch a trauma gown and a pair of gloves and wait for the incoming patients.

A minute later, Abby heard the sirens out in the ambulance bay and she went to meet it.  She had forgotten how quickly everything seemed to move at a county hospital.  The paramedics were reciting their quickly gathered patient stats and Abby found herself becoming more familiar with it.  It was like recalling an old dream.

***

In New York, Abby had returned to Obstetrics.  Being an OB nurse gave her more flexibility in her schedule and also a very much appreciated lack of traumas.  She just delivered the babies.  The NICU team would take care of all of the problems.

***

Abby turned her attention to the man on the gurney.  

"We need an attending!" the doctor who was pushing the gurney alongside her called out.  She felt the pace of the gurney quicken as another set of arms joined to help them push it.  She was still staring at the patient's bloody face and body, at his arm that had been slashed and broken in the accident and that the paramedics had placed into a make-shift splint.  

"My stomach!" The patient groaned and cried out as they pushed the gurney into trauma green and she finally took a second to look at her surroundings.  She did a double take.  She was face-to-face with John Carter.

Carter had either not recognized her or he had pretended not to know her.  He was barking orders like an angry hound and Abby was quickly trying to obey.  This was not the sweet-tempered man she had fallen in love with so long ago.  Of course, his fiancé and child were dead and, as far as she knew, he had not gotten into a relationship since.  She stared at him sympathetically for a second before he turned to look at her and she quickly and quietly returned her attention to compressing the bag that was keeping the intubated patient alive.

~*~

After the patient had been wheeled up to surgery, Abby stood at the door of the trauma room.

"Yes," a voice whispered in her ear, "I do remember you, Abigail Lockhart."

Abby turned around, startled and Carter was looking at her, his eyes alive with an emotion that Abby could not quite put her finger on.


	5. Frightening encounter

**Mother Dear**

A/N: Please, please REVIEW!  I need all the advice I can get.  Don't think you're going to hurt my feelings if you flame this story, because you won't.  Just be honest.

DISCLAIMER: Anything that you don't recognize, I don't own. 

~*~

"Um, hi, Carter."

"Oh, please, Abby, don't call me that."  His voice was no longer the calm whisper it had first been nor was it the barking, harsh commands it had been in the trauma room.

"Sorry, John," she muttered sheepishly.

"Why did you come back, Abby?"

"I just- you know what? I don't have to tell you," she replied just as harshly as he had demanded her reason for returning.

"I can't believe you're doing this, Abby.  Really, when you left, I had some pretty low thoughts for you, but this, this tops it all."  He glared at her fiercely.

"John…"

"Abby, John!" It was Bennings.  "Back to work, now!"

"What happened to 'Carter'?" asked Abby, her words dripping with disdain.

"That was seven years ago, Abby.  A lot has changed."

Abby stormed over to the admit. desk to get another chart and find her name on the board.

"I see you've met Dr. Carter," said Bennings happily, "he's a good guy.  He just needs some getting used to," Bennings shifted her attention to the door, "Dr. Rasgothra, you're late!"

Abby spun around.

"Neela?!" she called out happily.

"Abby!"  Neela answered just as delightedly.

"I guess you know each other," observed Bennings, "well, you'll have time to talk after your shift, we're getting swamped and you're chatting!  Back to work!"  Abby sauntered over to Neela nonetheless and they met each other in a hug.

"Long time, no see!" exclaimed Neela.

"Same to you," replied Abby, noticing Neela's swollen stomach, "and congratulations!"  Neela blushed a deep red and continued to pepper Abby with questions.

"Whatever  happened to med. school?"  she asked finally.

"I guess it wasn't for me," was Abby's muttered response.

"To each her own," grinned Neela as she and Abby walked off to treat a patient with 'severe belly pain'.

~*~

Just before Abby left that afternoon, on her way to the lounge to pick up her stuff, she bumped into Carter again.  It was clear that he was avoiding her as she had managed to go through an entire without seeing him again.

"Sorry," she muttered as she pushed past him into the lounge.  He followed behind her and let the door close before he began to talk.

"Listen, Abby, if we're going to be working together, we're at least going to have to be civil to each other.  If we don't, we'll be risking the patients and that is something I'm not willing to do."  Abby refused to look at him.

"Oh, come off it, Abby.  You and I both know that ignoring each other is childish and stupid.  Now, I'm willing to forget these past few years if you're willing to do the same.  That's not to say that we'll be friends.  We'll merely be friendly."  Abby snorted.

"Abby, if you're not willing to be a civilized human being, I will have you fired.  I have much more influence and money than you will ever have."

"Is that a threat, Carter?"  He flinched when he addressed him with that name.

"No, Abby, I believe that is blackmail." Abby glared at him for a few seconds before finally giving in.

"Fine, Dr. Carter," she said her tone stabbing him in the heart, "have it your way.  I have to go now.  I _have_ a family to attend to."  She knew right then that she had hurt him deeply.  His face fell and his eyes drooped and for a moment he looked as though he didn't know whether to break down and cry or punch the living daylights out of Abby.

Finally, he stepped aside and let her pass through the doorway.

Abby bumped into Susan on her way out.

"Excuse me," she muttered and Susan looked back and forth between a defeated Carter and a despairing Abby anxiously.


	6. Lollipop nightmares

**Mother Dear**

A/N: Please read and REVIEW!  This is my first fic. ever and I like to hear what people think.  I don't care if you love it or hate it, just please review and be honest.

DISCLAIMER: Anything you recognize, I don't own.  Oh, and 'Barbie' isn't mine either.

~*~

By the time Abby had reached Ashley's school, she had worked herself up into an angry fit.  She looked around the play-ground of the school for the familiar little bundle of pink.  She couldn't see Ashley anywhere and it was starting to worry her.  Her bottled up angry quickly melted into fear and nervousness.  Her eyes skimmed across the playground again, desperately searching for the little girl.  Abby's breath was becoming short and ragged, her heart felt constricted in her chest and her stomach was churning.  She felt nearly sick.

"Ashley!" she called out.  The other parents outside the school stared at her discerningly.  Abby couldn't believe their lack of emotion when she was clearly despairing.  

"Ashley!" she screamed again.  She ran up to the large red, brick building and heaved the door open.  She looked around- Ashley was still nowhere.  Her eyes were flicking in and out of classrooms as she sprinted down the hallway.  Her skin was hot, her coat was suffocating her and her scarf was strangling her.  

She saw a sign just down the hall that said 'Office' and she quickened her speed as she approached it.

"Mommy!" a smiling Ashley called to her from a chair just inside the office door.  Abby turned to the happy little girl who was sucking on a lollipop.  She bent down and wrapped her arms around the little girl pulling her off the chair into a standing position and rocking her back and forth in her arms.

"Ashley, why weren't you outside in the playground with the other children?"  Abby asked her, relief apparent in her ragged voice.

"I got a boo-boo, Mommy," she stated simply.  Abby chuckled softly as the little girl showed Abby her bandaged knee.  The little girl smiled proudly,

"And they told me I was a brave girl because I only cried a teensy bit," she stated.

"Miss Lockhart?" came an amused voice from behind Abby.  She turned around to face a woman whom she assumed was the secretary.

"Yes?" 

"We tried to reach you.  You didn't respond to your pages.  We're sorry for any inconvenience we've caused you."  Abby gave the woman a fake smile.

"Oh, I was just worried when I didn't see her in the playground," she stated simply leaving it at that.  Abby didn't want to deal with this woman.  She obviously didn't have any children of her own.

"Come on, Ashley, let's get you bundled up, it's cold out."

Abby helped Ashley into her little pink coat.  She grinned when she thought of Ashley's insistence on wearing only pink and purple.  Abby pulled down the leg of Ashley's corduroy overalls, and she gave Ashley a kiss on the cheek when she winced in pain.  Abby pulled Ashley's hat securely over her curly brown hair and she thought of Ashley pulling her hair straight whenever she got out of the bath in an attempt to straighten out her corkscrew curls.  Abby finally pulled a mitten onto each of Ashley's hand, wiping off each of the sticky palms and throwing out the lollipop. 

"All ready, then?"  Abby, as she took Ashley's hand and led her down the hall, holding Ashley's 'Barbie' knapsack in her spare hand.

~*~

At home that night, after tucking Ashley into bed, Abby sat at the kitchen table reading the paper and sipping a cup of hot chocolate.  She couldn't believe that she had been so awful to Carter- Dr. Carter- John, whatever he went by now.  She thought about her paralyzing fear when she couldn't find Ashley today.  She didn't know where she'd be without that little girl, probably at a homeless shelter somewhere, drunk and penniless and depressed.  How could she have purposely hurt Carter using his lost family as a weapon?  That was vicious and cruel.  

Abby couldn't take it.  She dumped the rest of her drink into the sink and folded up the newspaper before dropping it into the garbage with the Styrofoam cup.  She should finish packing, but she didn't want to be alone right now.  

She knew she'd just wallow in her own self-remorse, so she curled up in bed and tried to fall asleep only to dream about walking into the hospital looking for Carter, but not being able to find him.  She went from trauma room to trauma room, but all she encountered were the disinterested faces of the parents from the schoolyard and all-too-sweet laugh of the school's secretary.  

She woke up in a sweat.  It was seven o'clock and her alarm clock was beeping loudly in her ears.


	7. Rants and chats

**Mother Dear**

A/N: Please Please Please REVIEW!!!!  Honestly, I actually don't care if you love it or hate it, just please give me a truthful, honest review.

DISCLAIMER: I don't know own anything you've heard of:  AKA: ER, Barbie, Styrofoam, (yes, this is a copy-righted word- weird, huh?) etc.

~*~

Abby was just mixing the chocolate mix into the steaming milk when Ashley entered the kitchen in her purple jeans and polka-dotted turtleneck.  

"Mommy?" the little girl asked, squinting her eyes against the electric lights.

"Hmmm?"  

"I was thinking…"  Abby smiled to herself.  Ashley was so cute.  She was smart and observant and she had a nervous habit of pulling on one of her curls when she was thinking hard and Abby just couldn't get her to shake it.  Not that Abby had given it a full effort, Ashley looked adorable when she stood with her face scrunched up in concentration pulling on that darned curl.  

"Yes?"  Abby prompted her.

"Remember how you got me a Barbie for Christmas?  The one I named Annie because of her red hair?"  Abby nodded and smiled remembered Christmas morning only a few months ago.  Times had been tough and Abby could only afford to get Ashley one present, so she settled on a redheaded Barbie that was wearing a purple dress that resembled one of Ashley's.

"I think she needs a sister." 

"A sister?" asked Abby, tickled at the idea that Ashley had been thinking about this so hard.

"Yes, a sister, but maybe she could have curly brown hair like me. Then they could play together, because now that we moved, Annie doesn't have a friend anymore."  Now Abby was catching on to what Ashley was saying.  

"Oh, honey, do you miss your friends from New York?"  Ashley nodded sadly as she sat at the table and put a spoonful of cereal into her mouth.

"But Mommy, I think that it's okay because we have each other.  Only, Annie doesn't have any family, so she's lonelier."  Abby nodded understandingly.

"I'll tell you what, squirt," she said, wiping a dribble of milk off Ashley's face and sitting down next to her, "next time I have a day-off we can go and buy Annie a nice little sister so that she can someone to play with, okay?"  Truthfully, Abby felt both guilty and proud.  She knew that Ashley must hate having to leave her friends in New York in the middle of first grade.  First grade was a big year for all kids.  On the other hand, Abby was certain that she would make new friends, especially after this little display of kindness.  Ashley nodded thoughtfully and continued to eat her cereal in silence.

~*~

Abby entered the busy realm of the ER a mere two minutes before her shift was scheduled to start.  She clocked in before heading over to the lounge and changing into scrubs.  Susan came into the lounge in a hurry just as Abby was slamming her locker shut.

"Oh, gosh, I'm late again.  Olivia is going to kill me," she muttered fretfully putting her coffee on the table and unraveling her scarf from around her neck.  She nodded to Abby and continued ranting, 

"But honestly, you know, Chuck is so demanding sometimes.  He made me toast two new pieces of bread because he said his were burnt."  Abby grinned and chuckled as Susan continued, "and then Norma was late," she noticed Abby's confused face, "the babysitter," Susan added.  Abby nodded and Susan ranted on some more, "And Neil is sick," she didn't even wait for Abby's reaction before she said, "my two year old."  Abby smiled warmly.  She knew how it was to have a sick kid on your hands, "and I'm afraid that Robbie is going to come down with it too," Susan's voice was becoming slightly whiny, "Robbie's five," she clarified.

Abby chuckled as Susan grabbed dropped her labcoat over her arm and swung her stethoscope around her neck.  She slammed her locker shut, pulled on her labcoat and picked up her coffee.  They exited the lounge together, Susan still muttering.

"Sometimes, I just want to crawl back into bed after I get in the morning, you know those days?"  Abby nodded.  They headed towards admit. 

"I mean, how many times can I listen to Chuck complain about his coffee being to cold," they each picked up a chart and Susan made a face, "uch, chronic diarrhea. Not only that, but anything I make for dinner, someone has a complaint about."  Abby smiled again,

"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed," she stated.

"You could say that again," said Susan in complete agreement.  She smiled grimly at Abby and threw her half full cup of coffee into the garbage and before she disappeared behind a curtain she said, "Shame to get rid of perfectly good coffee, but diarrhea and all, you know how it is."  Abby laughed and headed towards curtain three to treat her first patient.

~*~

Abby took a break halfway into her shift.  She headed towards the lounge to get her coat as she planned on going to 'Ike's' for a coffee.  She headed past the nurses' station and she saw him there, entering the lounge, presumably about to start a shift.

She hesitated before continuing on her way.  She pushed the door to the lounge open and approached her locker.

"Hey," she said quietly.  

"Miss Lockhart," he said with a nod of his head.

"Listen, Dr. Carter…" she began.  He shook his head and put on hand up to motion her to stop.

"No, really, it's alright.  I understand."

"Carter!" she said sharply, "I'm about to apologize.  Let me finish and then you can thank me profusely for my apology."  Carter subsided.

"What I said yesterday," she eyed Carter's expression, "was wrong and I'm sorry.  You scared me and I get offensive when I get nervous.  I should have left-" after a sharp intake of breath, she continued, "I should have left Kem out of it.  It's none of my business what happened.  I'm not justifying your _blackmail_" she said jokingly to lighten the mood, "but I just wanted to apologize.  It's been bothering me since yesterday.  Something happened, and I- I just realized how important family is to everything and it was below the belt for me to say that." Carter nodded thoughtfully,

"Well," he began, "thank you for the apology."  He grinned impishly, "I wasn't serious about the whole blackmail thing either.  I was being a big-headed idiot."  He shook his head and looked at the ground,

"Who would have thought-" he started again, "Six years ago I thought I'd never see you again and now, here you are, big as life, wreaking havoc just like the old days."  He cracked and grin and pulled his stethoscope around his neck before slamming his locker shut.  He looked at his watch,

"Well, I'm late to start my shift."  He sighed.

"And my break is almost over.  Maybe if I run, I can manage to get a coffee."  She grabbed her coat off the hook in her locker and pulled it tightly around her as she exited the lounge on her way to 'Ike's'.

**Please REVIEW!!!!!!!**


	8. School pictures

**Mother Dear**

A/N: Read and REVIEW please!! _The italics is a flashback._

DISCLAIMER: Clearly I'm not in charge or Carby would still be an item and I'd be writing the show not fanfictions.  Basically, anything you recognize, I don't own.

~*~

Abby was just getting ready to leave the hospital.  She erased her name from the board, signed out at the nurses' station and headed towards the lounge to pick up her bag and coat. 

He was sitting at the table reading the paper and drinking a cup of coffee.  He looked up.  He was staring at her, his eyes searching her face curiously.  She looked at her hands and headed towards her locker. His steady gaze was making her uncomfortable.  He had changed so much.

"Going home?" his words added to her discomfort.

"Yeah," she sighed pulling her gloves on and picking her bag off the bottom of her locker.  She didn't know whether he had anything else to say or not, so she just stood there, hesitantly.  It seemed weird that he would start a conversation and then just drop it so suddenly.  Hadn't they been joking mere hours ago?  That was different though, she knew.  They had to joke; they couldn't talk to each other otherwise.  They couldn't get through to each other on a deeper level than that.

"So…" she stated.  If it sounded stupid in her head, it sounded even stupider to her as she said it.  She flinched mentally at the awkwardness of her tone.  He lifted his head to gaze at her again, his expression serene, and the look in his eyes sending chills down her spine.

"Hm?" It was as if he had never said anything. She was right, he had changed.  He had once been so easy to talk to.  And now, when she needed to talk to him more than ever, he was impossible to get through to.

"Abby," he started again, "when I said we should be amiable… I mean, I hope you didn't think I meant that things were suddenly okay between us." She looked back at him, and his icy gaze stabbed into her.

"I know," she whispered.  _But I need to talk to you, _she thought, _I need you to understand._

She pulled a picture out of her pocket and held it in her hands, staring down at it lovingly.  He needed to know.

Abby walked briskly out of the lounge, dropping the picture onto Carter's newspaper.  She didn't wait for his reaction before exiting through the ambulance bay and hastening her pace on her way to her daughter's school.

~*~

Abby folded the little outfits slowly, gazing lovingly at them before putting them into the drawers.  The rest of their furniture had finally arrived. Ashley was drawing pictures in the other room as Abby unpacked her clothes.  She was unpacking Ashley first in hope that having her room set up like it had been in New York would make the little girl less homesick.  When she put the final pair of shorts into the bottom drawer, she lifted herself off the floor and looked around.  Not bad considering how hasty the unpacking had been.  She'd tidy it up later when she had time, maybe on her day off.  She smoothed the comforter on the bed with one hand and picked up the empty cup from the nightstand before heading to the kitchen to check on Ashley.

"How's it going?" She asked as she put the glass into the sink, vowing to herself that she would wash the dished when she had a chance.

"It's okay."

"What are you drawing?"  

"We have to draw a picture of our family for school."  Abby leaned over her daughter's shoulder.

"Who are all these people?" she asked quietly.  The picture had four people in it; the two on the left were considerably larger than the other two.  Abby assumed that one of them was herself.  The child all the way on the right (Ashley had labeled it 'me') was petting a small animal that looked like a sheep.

"Well," said Ashley, "this is you, Mommy, and this is Daddy and this is my older sister, Serena and this is our puppy, Star."

"But Ashley, honey," replied Abby, taking a seat next to her daughter, "we don't have a dog, and you don't have a sister or-" Abby choked up before regaining her composure, "or a father," she concluded.

Ashley looked at Abby sadly, "but Mommy," she said finally, "all the other kids do."  

Abby put an arm around her daughter's small shoulder and gave her a small hug.  She wasn't going to make Ashley change the picture if Ashley didn't want to.  She didn't want Ashley to feel out of place at school, even though she knew how vicious little kids could be to outsiders.

"Ashley, it's a lovely picture," she said finally, "finish up quickly, though.  It's getting late."  The little girl nodded and returned to her handiwork and Abby started to wash the stack of dirty dishes, her stomach churning with guilt.

~*~

Next morning, Abby woke up bright and early.  She had slept well for the first time in a few nights, she couldn't understand why though.  She had so much on her mind.  

She heard the little girl in the next room humming quietly to herself and Abby smiled to herself before pulling herself out of bed, turning off the alarm clock and padding to the bathroom to get ready for work.

~*~

Susan was just stepping out of a car when Abby walked up the door of the hospital.  She waited for Susan to reach her and they entered the ER together.

"Abby, what are your plans for the weekend?" asked Susan.

"I have a shift on Sunday," she answered; she still didn't know what she was going to do with Ashley.  Surely, she could bring her to the hospital.

"What about Saturday?"

"Some much needed sleep and hopefully I'll get some more unpacking done."

"I forgot to ask you yesterday, so I'll ask you now.  How would you like to get together Saturday lunch?  We could go out, or you could come to my place.  You know, catch up on old times."  Abby smiled, but shook her head.

"I don't think that's a good idea," she responded.

"Oh, come on, Abby, you're daughter must be what?  Three?  Four?  She could play with Neil…. Don't worry, he's all better now." Abby smiled, but she didn't know whether to agree or not.  Susan raised her eyebrows.

"So, is that a yes?" 

Abby nodded after a few seconds' pause.  She couldn't hide forever. 

"I'd love to."

"Okay, great, I'll just write down my number and we could meet at the McDonald's at 1500th, you know the one I mean…"

Abby was only partially listening.  Her attention had shifted to the figure that had just entered through triage.

Carter.

Had he seen the picture she gave him yesterday?  Did he know what it meant?  He didn't look at her though she was sure he knew she was there.

***

_Abby picked the picture out of her locker.  She looked at the little girl smiling back at her.  On the back, the school had typed, _"Ashley Carter, Kindergarten, Sunshine Elementary School."_  She played with the idea of what to do with it.  She had, of course, brought it for him.  But what would his reaction be?  Finally, she decided to leave or she would be late picking her daughter up.  She dropped the picture on top of his Newspaper before hastily leaving the lounge._

_***_

"Abby, are you listening?" asked Susan.

"What? Oh, yeah, sorry, I'm just tired, you know how it is."  Susan handed her a  piece of paper on which she had scrawled the place and time for Sunday's lunch.

Abby watched Carter enter the lounge.  Her heart was pounding much faster than usual.

**REVIEW please!!! Tell me if you think that was really stupid, thanks.**


	9. Spirited revelations

**Mother Dear**

A/N: Thank you to _everyone_ who reviewed!! I love hearing what you all think of my story because I'm very self-conscious of my writing.  Everyone else: Please **REVIEW!**!!! (I'm sorry if it's moving slowly, I'm trying to get all the background info over with and it's taking longer than expected.)

DISCLAIMER: Anything you have heard of, I don't own. I probably don't own it even if you haven't heard of it.

~*~

Abby spent much of the morning worrying.  Bennings was in a fierce mood and she was down Abby's back for not paying attention.  Abby skirted away quickly from the trauma room after Bennings had to call in another nurse when Abby was being 'appallingly incompetent'.  

"I'm taking a break," she told Brian at admit. before heading toward the lounge to make a cup of coffee. 

"Just great," she muttered to herself noticing the little piece of paper someone had taped to the coffee maker that read: Out of Order.  She slumped down on the couch and wiped her hands over her face, sighing.

He was clearly avoiding her again, not that she had any objections as she wasn't in the mood of dealing with it right now.  In fact, she was yelling at herself inwardly for having shown him the picture at all.

The door to the lounge swung open and Neela walked in, her face pink from the cold air outside.

"Good morning, Abby," she greeted happily as she packed her things away in her locker.

"God is it still morning?" moaned Abby tugging at her pony-tail.

"That bad, huh?" asked Neela as she looked at her watch, "Well, I've got a few minutes, want to talk?" She sat down next to Abby and waited expectantly.

"Not really," muttered Abby.  "There's not much to say.  I just moved back here, I haven't unpacked, I'm scared I screwed up my daughter's life terminally-" Neela chuckled.

"What?!" exclaimed Abby.

"It's just… well, you, Abby.  If I know you at all, and I do after spending nearly a year of medical rotations together, you'll pull through."  Abby smiled back at her uncertainly. Neela got up again and headed toward the door of the lounge.

"By the way," Abby interjected, "I never asked who the father man is."  Neela cracked a grin,

"Gallant," she said happily to a flabbergasted Abby.

"But, I haven't seen him… What?"  

"Well, he practices pediatric oncology now, so he's over at Northwestern," Neela explained.  Abby smiled.

"Congratulations," she said.

~*~

She was just standing up to return to work when Carter stormed in to the lounge.  Abby groaned inwardly and quickened her pace to the door.

"Abby," Carter began, "is this some sick joke?  Because if it is- I thought, I thought your apology was sincere, or was that just another part of this whole show you have going on?" His voice was fierce and his body was nearly shaking with anger.

"What?!" she asked harshly.

"This!" Carter thrust the picture into her hands.  It was tattered at the edged and it was obvious he had looked at it many time since yesterday.

"A joke?" whispered Abby despairingly, "you think it's- you think it's a joke?" Carter looked at her and his anger melted slightly into remorse.  

"I don't know what to think anymore, Abby.  You just flounce back in here after seven year… SEVEN YEARS, Abby… and then you throw that at me!" he pointed at the picture, his anger flaring again, "and now- what do you expect me to think Abby?!!" he spat at her.

"Carter… I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you.  I'm-"

"Shouldn't have told me??!" Carter raged as the truth of the photo dawned on him, "What? Were you going to wait until she's twenty?  'Oh, hi, John, I forgot to tell you I've been hiding your daughter from you for _twenty years_!"

"Carter-!"

"Don't. Call. Me. That." He screamed.  Abby stared at him, the tears welling up in her eyes.  She had never seen him like this before.  Never.  

"John.  I'm- I don't- I'm sorry."  She said softly, a tear trickling down her cheek.  

"Well, sorry isn't good enough, Abby," he stated angrily, though he calmed down somewhat when he saw her crying.

"John… you- you were with Kem.  I couldn't tell you.  I didn't know what to do."

"So you left?" he asked incredulously.

"Yes, John, I left," she answered, "I left because I didn't want to be hurt and I didn't want you daughter to be hurt."  He flinched when she said, 'you daughter'.

"Yes, _Carter,_" she said, her own anger flaring out at him, "Your daughter.  You have a daughter.  And look at her," she shoved the picture in Carter's face, "just- just look at her."  Carter gazed down at the photo and a tear soiled the corner of it.  Abby looked at his face and realized for the first time that he was crying.

"She's beautiful," he said finally, his voice deflated.

"Yeah," said Abby after a moment, "she is.  And she's smart and sweet and kind and she's hurting inside because she doesn't know who her father is."  Carter looked at her, his face unreadable.

"Abby-" he said, his voice strained, "can I see her?" Abby shook her head.

"Not now, Carter.  It's too soon." He nodded sadly and looked at her again.

"Can I have this?" He asked gesturing towards the photo. Abby nodded, another tear trickling down her face.

"It's a year old, though.  Now she's lost her two bottom teeth and her cheeks aren't that pudgy and her hair is down to here," she showed him on her own body and Carter's eyes rested on the point just below Abby's shoulder that she was pointing at.

"Just a second," said Abby pulling out her purse, "I have a more recent picture." She handed him a photo of Ashley and Abby eating ice cream at a mall.  Carter stared at it and Abby looked around the room uncomfortably.

"I have a shift to finish," she whispered and she left the lounge.

**REVIEW, eh?**


	10. Just don't call me 'Carter'

**Mother Dear**

A/N: Please read and **_REVIEW_**!!  Thank you to all of those who have already reviewed.  I love checking my e-mail and finding 'review alerts'.  It's so pleasant. ;)

DISCLAIMER: I don't know anything.  :'(

~*~

After Abby tucked Ashley in that night, she sat at the edge of the bed and faced her daughter.

"Ashley, we have to talk," she stated simply.

"Yes, Mommy?"  Abby had to tell Ashley about her Carter.  She knew that Ashley was only six, but she hated lying to her own daughter.

"I talked to your father today," she said.  It took a few seconds for Ashley to respond.

"But Mommy," she said, "I thought that you don't talk to him."  Abby nodded.

"I didn't until a few days ago.  Remember how I told you I used to work in Chicago?"  Now it was Ashley's turn to nod.

"Well, the place that I work at now is the same place I worked at then and your father is still a doctor there."  Ashley looked at Abby for a few seconds before it dawned upon her.

"You work with my father?" she asked finally.  Abby nodded.  Though she had told Ashley stories about Carter and shown her pictures of him, Ashley still never called Carter 'Daddy' or 'Dad' when they spoke about him.  She always called him 'my father' as if she didn't want to make it too personal.

"Oh," was Ashley's reply, "does that mean that I am going to have to meet him now?" she asked.  

This wasn't the response that Abby was expecting.  She thought that Ashley would delight at the fact that she would finally be able to meet her father, but Ashley didn't look very excited about it.

"You don't have to see him if you don't want to," Abby said quietly, "at least not for now." Ashley smiled slightly.

"Okay, because I just want to be prepared," she said.  Abby grinned at her and nodded. 

"You can tell me when you make your decision," she stated.  She loved it how she never felt like she was talking to a child when she discussed things with her daughter.  Ashley was so mature about everything.  Their relationship was such that they treated each other like equals.  Abby never wanted her daughter to feel insignificant or incapable or left in the dark like she had sometimes felt as a child.  She wanted them to be open with each other and even though Ashley was only six, Abby felt that it was good to keep her informed.

"Also, Ashley," said Abby as she got up to turn off the lights, "We're going out to lunch with a friend on Saturday, okay?"  Ashley nodded.

"She has a kid your age, so you guys can play together." Ashley nodded again and Abby turned off the lights.

"Mommy?" said a little voice from the darkness.

"Yes?" 

"I love you."

"I love you too, Ashley, good night."  Abby closed the door softly behind her.

~*~

Abby looked at the street signs and continued walking straight, her daughter holding tightly onto Ashley's.  The air was still chilly and the wind was blowing against their faces fiercely.

"Are you warm enough?" she asked the little girl.

"Yes," was the muffled response.  Ashley's scarf was up past her mouth and even so, little puffs of smoke would escape into the air when she breathed.

"We're almost there," Abby said even though no one had asked.  She was nervous for Susan to meet Ashley even though she had no reason to be.  

They turned into the McDonald's and Abby spotted Susan at a table near the back.  She crouched down to Ashley's level and helped her off with her coat.  Then they headed back to meet their party.

"Hey, Susan," she greeted when they reached the table.  Abby could feel her daughter's grasp tighten and she knew that Ashley was nervous too.

"Abby!" she exclaimed happily, "and who is this little cutie?" she asked turning her attention to Ashley.

"This is Ashley," Abby stated proudly.  Ashley smiled hesitantly at Susan.

"How old are you?" asked Susan facing the little girl.

"Six," said Ashley quietly, "but I'll be seven in a few months." Susan looked at Abby.

"Is she-?" but Abby cut her off.

"And who are these young men?" she asked, obviously trying to change the subject.

"That's Neil," said Susan gesturing towards a high chair, "and this is Robbie," she pointed at the boy across the table, "and you know Chuck," she finished.  

Robbie looked just like his father, but he had Susan's eyes.  Neil smiled happily from his high-chair.  Susan grinned at him and ruffled his hair.  He was definitely a 'Mommy's boy'. 

"Well, it certainly is cold enough outside," joked Abby as she helped Ashley into the booth and sat down next to her.

"That's for sure," replied Chuck, "we've got our food already.  I hope you don't mind that we didn't wait, but the boys were ravenous.  Robbie here threatened to eat Neil, so we thought it would be safer if we ordered right away." Abby smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, it's fine; I'll just go and get us something to eat. Ashley, what would you like?"  

"A Happy Meal please, Mommy," she said quietly. 

Abby returned to the table a few minutes later with their meals.  Everyone was laughing at something Chuck had just said and Abby took it as a good sign.

"I missed the joke," she said in mock distress.

"The cow- was- pink!" Ashley managed to get out between fits of giggles.  Abby grinned at her, clearly not understanding but pleased nonetheless that Ashley had lost her shyness.

"So," began Susan as Abby took a bite out of her burger, "we've got seven years to discuss, so we better start talking…"

~*~

Ashley's face was pink with delight when they got home later that afternoon.

"Mommy, can I go and play with Robbie one day?" she asked happily.  Abby hadn't seen her this lively since they left New York.

"Of course.  Actually, you're going to go over there tomorrow when I'm at work," she smiled, "I'm glad you had a good time."

Abby and Susan had talked for over an hour while Robbie and Ashley were playing in McPlay Place, or whatever it was called.  She had told Susan everything and it felt so good to get it out of her system.  Susan had listened quietly and responded calmly to everything Abby told her.  She was so good about it too, she didn't stand up for Carter, she didn't take sides, and she had two ears open.  Chuck had kindly left for a while to watch the kids and Abby and Susan were left alone. Abby hadn't held anything back; once she started talking she couldn't stop. 

~*~

Abby walked into the hospital several minutes before his shift was set to begin.  The hospital was unusually quiet for a Sunday at the beginning of March.  Brian nodded to her from admit. in greeting and Neela looked up from her conversation with another doctor.  Carter, who was walking down the hall, showed no sign of recognition and Abby sighed as she approached the lounge grateful that she only had half a shift to complete.

Later that afternoon, the ER was still quiet, so Abby went to fetch her coat before heading to 'Ike's' for a cup of coffee and maybe a bite of pie.  She headed across the street to the restaurant and saw him sitting at a table alone at the window.  She entered 'Ike's' and looked around for an empty table.  She saw him looking at her and smiled slightly at him.  He waved her over and told her to have a seat.  Her stomach was fluttering and she suddenly wasn't all that hungry anymore.  She approached him nonetheless and saw the two pictures of Ashley resting on the table in front of him.

"Hi," he said.

"Hey."

"The ER was pretty quiet today."

"Yeah, thank God, I'm really not in the mood of a bloody trauma."  He smiled at her.

"I second that emotion," he stated, "Please. Take a seat."  He gestured for her to sit down and she did so with some hesitancy.

"What's up?" he asked.

"Not too much.  You know. The usual."  

"No, not really, enlighten me." 

"Work, hanging out with Ashley," she eyed his face, "the endless amount of laundry, dirty dishes and hungry mouths."  She half-grinned at him.

"Must be nice," he sighed, "to have someone to worry about."

"Yeah," she replied, "it is… it's nice."  They both looked out the window for a few seconds, unaware of each other's presence.

"I have a question," she said finally, breaking the silence, "why don't you let people call you Carter anymore?" He looked at her intently.

"It just didn't seem appropriate anymore.  Everyone I ever loved called me Carter," he sighed, "it was my pet name.  And slowly, everything diminished.  Everyone left.  Mark died, Carol, Doug," (names Abby had heard), "they all left. You," he said looking up at her, "left too.  And Kem died with my son.  They died together, Abby, and then there was just Susan and she was married with a family and everyone had grown up but me.  I didn't want to be the little kid anymore.  I didn't want to be… well, I didn't want to be _Carter_ anymore.  So I told them all to stop," he finished rather lamely.  Abby eyed him sadly. 

"I'm sorry I left," she said softly.

"Yeah," he replied, "yeah, so am I."

**Please REVIEW ME!**


	11. Coffee, pie and ballerinas

**Mother Dear**

A/N: Please read and **REVIEW**!! I love **review**s.  Really, I don't care if you love it or hate it, just** review** and _be honest_ so I know how to improve.  And thanks to all those who have **review**ed already!!

DISCLAIMER: Anything you recognize, I don't own.

~*~

Abby and Carter sat in silence, Abby looking at Carter and Carter looking wistfully at the pictures he now held in his hands.  A waitress approached the table, chewing her gum noisily and eyeing them expectantly.

"I'll have a coffee- black, and a piece of chocolate pie," Abby said.  Carter looked up from the pictures looking as though he had forgotten where he was.

"Um, I'll have the same," he said.

"Is that together?" she asked them, pointing the eraser of her pencil at Carter, and blowing a small bubble with her chewing gum.

"Yeah," he said quickly, "I'll take the bill."  The waitress turned to take their orders to the kitchen.

"You didn't have to do that," said Abby quietly.

"I know," he replied turning his attention back to the pictures.

"What's she like, Abby?" he asked curiously.  "I dreamt about her last night.  She was running in the park and we had a dog," Abby was gazing intently at him.  He was still looking at the pictures, "she was laughing happily and it was sunny out and she looked at me for a second, laughing at something I was doing.  And then I woke up," he finished.  Abby smiled sadly at him.  

"She's wonderful," she responded, "she's just like that.  She loves to run around and she's so happy.  And she's mature and she's so sweet.  She refuses to wear anything other than pink and purple.  In nursery one week, she refused to change out of her purple dress.  The teacher must have thought I was crazy."  The waitress brought them their orders and the bill, but Abby continued talking, "and she loves playing with her dolls.  You should hear her singing to them when she puts them to sleep.  It's so cute."  Carter was looking at her hungrily, 

"Please. Continue," he prompted her.

"She, she knows who you are, Carter.  She keeps a picture of you, well, you and me really, in her sock drawer.  The one from when we went to Navy Pier with Eric and Jody.  She loves listening to stories about you.  She told her classmates one day that her father was a brave doctor who helped save people who were sick." Carter looked like he could burst with pride and happiness.  She stopped talking suddenly and looked at her food quietly.

"What is it?" he asked.

"It's just- it's nothing," she answered, "nothing." She tasted a piece of her pie and looked at Carter, 

"I was just thinking about how we used to do this all the time. Come here for coffee and pie."

"Yeah," he said, picking up his own fork, "we did, didn't we?"

They ate in silence for a little while.  It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, but it wasn't the old chummy, satisfied silence from so many years ago.  They were just two strangers, sitting at a table, contemplating each others' lives and how much they had changed.

"Abby?" he asked her after a few moments.

"Hmmm?" She looked at him expectantly.

"Does she know I'm here?"  Abby  nodded.  Carter nodded too, put the pictures away in his pocket, picked up the bill and was about to leave to pay it.

"I have to go back to work."  He said.

"Yeah, me too," Abby replied pushing her plate away and taking one last sip of coffee before getting up and wrapping her scarf around her neck.  

Carter left to pay the bill and Abby returned to the hospital without him.  

The moment was over.

~*~

Late that night, Abby lay in bed listening to Ashley humming quietly in the next room.  The humming stopped momentarily and she heard her bedroom door creak open.  

"Ashley? Is that you?"

"Yes," came a whisper from the doorway.

"What is it, hun?  Come here," she patted the bed and Ashley climbed up to take a seat.

"I was thinking," she said, pulling on one of her loose curls in concentration.

"Yes?"

"I think I'm ready."  Abby didn't understand.

"Ready for what?"

"Ready to meet my father."  Abby sat up and looked through the darkness at Ashley worriedly.

"Are you sure?" she asked her in all seriousness.

"Yes," the little girl nodded, "I'm sure."

~*~

The next morning, after dropping Ashley off at school, Abby entered the hospital.  She needed to talk to Carter, tell him that Ashley had decided, let him know that he could finally meet his daughter.

"Hey, Brian, is Carter coming in today?" Brian looked at the computer screen.

"Not until noon," he replied.  How was she supposed to wait four hours?  She had hardly slept last night because of this.  

"Thanks," she mumbled as she went to take off her coat and change into her scrubs.

Her shift was passing so slowly that Ashley was forced to ask a young resident the time, believing firmly that her watch- and all the other clocks in the ER- had stopped working.  She looked up at the doors every time they swung open, their automatic sensors making _swishing_ noises.  

Four coffee breaks and two traumas later, Abby looked up at the door tiredly.  There he was… finally.  She cursed herself for being in the middle of treating a patient right when she needed to talk to him most.

"All done, Mrs. Timmons," she said after finally administering the drugs to the patient.

"Thank you, dear," the old woman said gratefully, "I feel better already."  Abby nodded and smiled warmly before hurrying off to catch Carter in the lounge.

"Carter!" she exclaimed as she pushed the doors open briskly.  He turned around to face her, his somber expression and bags under his eyes giving way to his exhaustion.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Ashley-" Carter looked at her with more interest.

"Yeah?"

"She said she wants to meet you," Abby blurted out.  All of Carter's exhaustion was gone immediately.

"I didn't sleep last night," he said happily, wiping his eyes with his palms, "I was so upset.  I couldn't understand how she could know I was here and not want to talk to me."

"She said she had to prepare herself," Abby stated in all seriousness, but her eyes twinkling in humour.  Carter smiled and his expression lit up.

"Can I come over tonight? Or you can come to the mansion?  Or, we could go out. Yeah, let's go out," he sounded so excited.  Abby chuckled.

"You can come to our place, but we're just having spaghetti, nothing fancy."  Carter beamed.

"That'd be great!" he said, delighted.  

Abby wrote down their address and number on a slip of paper and told Carter to be there at seven, giving Ashley plenty of time to 'prepare herself' from the time she got home until supper.  Carter left the lounge, a grin plastered to his face and Abby followed suit, her own smile lightening her expression.

~*~

Later that night, after Ashley had taken a bath and changed into her favorite dress (she had to 'make a good impression for my father'), she and Abby sat on the couch nervously.  Abby, however certain she was that Carter would love his daughter and Ashley would love her father, was still worried about the outcome of the night.  She could tell that Ashley was nervous as well as the little girl just sat, rigid, her hands folded, staring at the television set, her jaw twitching.

Finally, at five to seven, a knock on the door startled both mother and daughter.  Abby jumped up from the couch.

"I'll get it," she said without need. Ashley's face was white and her eyes bright.  She nodded nervously.  

"Hi," said Abby opening the door to a grinning Carter.  Carter was holding a present wrapped beautifully in pink paper and a bouquet of flowers that he handed to Abby.

"Hey," he said and Abby could tell he was just as nervous.  His eyes traveled to just behind Abby where a frightened little girl was standing, crossing and uncrossing her legs and staring, wide-eyed and open-mouthed at her father.

"And hello to you," said Carter crouching down to meet Ashley at eye-level.  Abby stood observing the two of them.  

Ashley smiled politely.

"Hi," she said quietly.

"I got you something," Carter whispered, his eyes alive with interest, he handed Ashley the package.  Ashley took it, shook it next to her ear and sat on the floor to open it.

Abby cleared her throat.

"Thank you," Ashley told the father she didn't know.  Carter nodded and grinned up at Abby. 

The little girl opened the package and gasped.  Inside was beautifully carved pink music box.  She opened it and it began to play a soft, sweet tune.  Ashley stared at the little ballerina that twirled about within the box, mesmerized. Carter grinned happily at her and Abby stood watching the scene, tears threatening to fall.

"Do you like it?" asked Carter needlessly.  The little girl nodded and looked up at Carter.

"Yes, thank you very much.  It's beautiful." Abby cleared her throat after a moment or two.

"Ashley, go and put the box in your room and wash up for supper." Ashley got up slowly, still looking closely at the box that she held open.  Carter stood up too and looked at Abby.

"Can I help?" he asked. She shook her head and gestured toward the couch.

"Take a seat.  I know it's not much and we haven't finished unpacking but-"

"It's fine, Abby," he said, taking a seat at the couch that had, not so long ago, been filled with an anxious mother and her petrified daughter.

**Please REVIEW!!!!!!  I want to know what you thought of the Carter/Ashley meeting~~!**


	12. Thank you, Daddy

**Mother Dear**

A/N: Please please please REVIEW! REVIEW!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own 'em.

~*~

After a few seconds of looking at his hands nervously, Carter got up and approached Abby.

"Carter," she said, "go sit down."

"Abby, I insist," he stated firmly.  He didn't object to her calling him Carter.  Together they set the table quietly until Ashley approached them and took a seat waiting expectantly. Carter followed suit and Abby began to serve them all generous portions.

"So," said Carter, picking up his fork, "Nice place." Abby snorted as she sat down and Ashley nodded.

"It's nicer than New York," she said, looking at Carter curiously.

"Ashley, don't stare," her mother muttered. Ashley was pulling on one of her curls and she continued to stare at Carter, disregarding her mother's orders.

"You know," she said finally, taking a bite of her spaghetti, "I have a picture of you and Mommy from before I was born.  Mommy looks years older now, but you look just the same."  Abby turned pink and she and Carter both laughed.  Ashley started to giggled too, though she had no comprehension as to why.

"Thank you, Ashley," Abby stated.

"I think your mother looks just fine," Carter replied gallantly and Abby turned a little bit pinker with delight. Ashley looked from Carter to Abby and then said, 

"One time Mommy told me that you had 'boyishly handsome good looks'," Abby gasped unconsciously and Carter grinned at her.

"Okay, Ashley, I think that's enough," she said firmly, her face pink, an embarrassed smile on her face.

"No," said Carter, "I want to hear what else is being said about me."  The little girl looked at Abby hesitantly and, upon seeing Abby's glare, stopped talking and continued to eat.

"This is really good, Abby" Carter pointed his fork at his spaghetti.

"It's spaghetti, Carter," she grinned.

"The best spaghetti I've ever tasted," he replied enthusiastically.  Abby rolled her eyes sarcastically and continued to eat.

"Carter?" Ashley said out of the blue.  Both Abby and Carter looked at her surprised.

"Yes?" he said awkwardly after a moment or two of hesitation.

"Nothing," Ashley said with a grin.  Carter and Abby glanced at each other before returning quietly to their food.

Ashley shoveled some spaghetti into her mouth and addressed her mother, 

"Don't talk with your mouth full," Abby said in a bored voice as though she had told the little girl this numerous times already.  After a few seconds' pause, Ashley spoke up again.

"I was thinking," Ashley stated.

"Hmmm?"

"I don't think I'll be able to sleep very much tonight because Susan made me take a nap at her house today," she made a face.

"Dr. Lewis," Abby corrected her.

"Yeah, her.  She told me to call her Susan.  Anyway, I think I could stay up pretty late tonight if I had to."

"Do you?" Abby asked her amused.

"Yeah, probably." She said taking a sip of her juice and looking across the table at Carter.

"Good to know," Abby responded.  She was trying to figure out what Ashley was thinking about, because she obviously had something more planned than just wanting to stay up.

"He could probably stay pretty late if he wanted to," she said nodding at Carter. Abby smiled.

"Ashley, _HE_ has a name.  Call him-"

"Carter," he interjected, "Call me Carter." Abby smiled at him and Ashley nodded.

"Yeah, Carter could probably stay really late.  Maybe we could play a board game or something." Ashley suggested.

"I love board games," said Carter grinning at Abby.

"Ashley, you know it's a school night…" Abby stated, but Ashley and Carter looked at her with the same imploring eyes and she had to smile, "okay, we can play a board game.  Why don't you run and get one while I clear off the table," Abby suggested the little girl scurried off to her room."

"Abby," said Carter, his voice low, "Thank you." She looked at him and he looked so grateful to just be there.  She nodded and together they stood to clear the plates, taking them to the kitchen in satisfied silence.

~*~

"Okay," Abby said looking at her watch, "one game of monopoly."  Ashley put the box down on the dining room table and handed pieces out to everyone.  She insisted on being the car because 'cars have motors so they go the fastest'.  Carter and Abby glanced at each other and grinned.

"So, Ashley, you're in first grade now, right?" Carter asked her off-handedly as he took the money she was handing him.  She nodded and continued to concentrate on counting out the money carefully.

"Do you like school?"

"Yes, I have a friend named Ben and I won three races in a row at recess."

"Really?" Carter asked her.

"Yes, and when we played tag, I only had to be 'it' once.  Ben told me that I could be play with them even if I am a girl because I'm the fastest girl he ever saw."  She looked at him proudly, "And when Mommy tries to catch me at night to make me go to sleep, I can usually run around for five minutes or so until she catches me." Carter looked at Abby, his eyes twinkling.

It was nearly forty-five minutes later when Abby looked at her watch again.

"Fifteen more minutes," she told the little girl.  Ashley was busy as a bee counting her money and controlling all the goings-on of the game.  At times, Abby could catch Carter looking at Ashley with a silly grin on his face until he realized what he was doing.  

"I think you're winning," Carter pointed out to Ashley, gesturing towards her heaping piles of fake money.  Ashley grinned.

"Me too," she stated happily.

"Ashley's the monopoly queen," Abby said, "she always wins when we play."  

Carter looked from mother to daughter, happy to finally be a part of their life.  He regretted not knowing Ashley until now.  He hated how she called him 'Carter' instead of 'Daddy'; he wanted desperately to make it up to her. Abby noticed him looking wistfully at Ashley again and she smiled sadly knowing that she was the cause of their not knowing each other.

"Okay, Ashley, wrap it up," Abby said finally, "everybody count your money."  Ashley had, of course, won and she giggled with triumph before heading off to change into PJs and brush her teeth.  

Carter stood up and watched awkwardly as Abby put the pieces of the game away.

"She's amazing," he said quietly.  Abby nodded and stood up with the box in her hands.

"Yeah, she is.  She looks just like you, you know," Abby whispered. Carter looked at Abby in surprise.

"She has your smile," he said finally, "and your same way of worming herself into my heart." They looked at each other quietly until Ashley came out to say goodnight.

"Good night, Ashley," Carter said as he watched Ashley give Abby a kiss.  Abby looked at him quietly.

"Good night," Ashley said happily, "come again."

"Ashley, thank your father for the lovely gift," Abby said firmly.  Ashley nodded.

"Thank you, Daddy," she said and a tear trickled down Abby's cheek as Ashley scampered off happily to her bedroom.

**REVIEW!!! REVIEW!!!! What do you think???**


	13. Regrets

**Mother Dear**

A/N: Please please please REVIEW ME!!!!!!  I love reviews!

DISCLAIMER: Sadly, I don't own anything.

~*~  
Abby returned from putting Ashley to sleep.  Carter was sitting on the couch looking at his hands and whistling softly.

"Hi," she said quietly and she sat down on the couch next to him.  He raised his head at the sound of her voice.

"Hey."

"I have to apologize."

"Abby, you have nothing to apologize for."

"I do," Carter opened his mouth to interject, but she hushed him, "It felt right at the time.  Leaving.  You sent me that letter just when I was getting my life back together.  I was doing it all for you and the baby.  All of it.  And you sent me that damned letter.  And then, then you came back with Kem and I didn't know what to think.  When I saw that sonogram I thought u must have been joking.  But you weren't.  I couldn't tell you then, Carter.  You have to understand how much I wanted to, but I couldn't, so I left and I ran away from my problems just like you always told me I did.  Over the years, I wondered about you and your other family all the way over in Chicago, I thought about you every day.  I thought about what our life would have been like if I had stayed, but whenever I thought about it, I could never figure out whether I had done the right thing.  If I had stayed, you would have had to deal with two lives, two families.  But when I left, you couldn't even watch your daughter grow."

"Abby…"

"That's why I told her about you, because it was my entire fault.  All my damned fault.  I always told her how smart and sweet and handsome you were, how you didn't even know that she was born, how it was my fault that you weren't part of her life.  I never made you look bad, no matter how low I thought of you."

"Abby, I understand."

"But you shouldn't have to!"

"But I do.  Don't you think I thought of you over there in Africa?  I thought about you all the time, just hoping that you hadn't put your life on hold because of me.  I was an idiot to leave you, but I was in a country that was falling apart, so I held onto the only people around me who were 'together' and that was Kem.  And then- then one day she was on her way to the hospital with Jason and she slammed headfirst into a drunk driver.  And that was it.  Everything I had built up trying to be 'together' fell apart just like the rest of the world.  It was all… gone.  And I thought of you then too, Abby because I blamed myself for your departure.  I still do. I always wondered what we might have had together."  Abby laughed sarcastically.

"We've gone seven years blaming ourselves for the same stupid deed."  Carter nodded and sighed.

"Yeah, we have, but you had the better turn-out in the end.  You have a beautiful daughter who loves you, Abby."

"Carter, _we _have a beautiful daughter," she corrected him. He smiled sadly,

"Yeah, we do."

"Listen," Abby began, "I propose that we just all over again.  Clear the slate and start fresh.  We can't keep going on living life blaming ourselves for something that happened seven years ago.  Just forget our pasts and start over."

"Abby, I don't want to forget a minute of my past with you," he said looking her in the eye.  Abby felt her face getting hot.

"Just the part from after I left till I came back," she said, "Just pretend I never left."  He was still gazing at her intensely.  

"Abby, I-" She held her hand up to stop him.

"It's okay, Carter.  I don't blame anyone anymore."  He nodded sadly and muttered,

"I don't blame anyone either.  Not now that I've met her.  Not after hearing another child call me 'Daddy'.  Not after tonight.  Tonight was… magical."  He looked at Abby.  A tear was trickling down her face and he wiped it away, his hand resting just a second on her face.

"It's all good now," he said softly.  Abby nodded, tears still flowing silently down her face.

"I'm sorry, I just…"

"Shh…" He lifted his hand to Abby's face again and brought his lips to meet hers.  Abby was startled by his actions, she wasn't expecting a kiss.  Was it too soon?  What if Ashley saw?  But she heard herself moaning quietly despite her apprehension and soon the kiss deepened.  He was pushing against her in urgency.

"Carter…" she said, pushing him away lightly.  He continued to kiss her, caressing her cheek, his own moan growing in the base of her throat.

"Carter!" she said again and he backed off, "It's just… too soon," she stated.  

He looked at her and nodded his face, embarrassed and sad.

"Carter… don't take it the wrong way.  I want this just as much as you do," she said placing a soft kiss on his lips, "but we have someone else to worry about now.  Someone much more fragile than either of us."  He nodded again and another tear slipped from Abby's eye.

"God, I wish I had never left," Abby said quietly.  Carter placed another kiss on her forehead and they sat there, Carter wrapping his arm around Abby's shoulder.  They sat silently for nearly half an hour thinking before Carter got up quietly and left.

**Please REVIEW!! It's my first time ever writing fluff, and I don't know how I did, so please REVIEW !!!!!**

**R  E  V  I  E  W  !  !  !  !**


	14. Darkness

**Mother Dear**

A/N: Please REVIEW!!! I love hearing what you guys think of the story, so please REVIEW if you have a chance.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of it.

~*~  
Abby got up shortly after Carter left and padded off to her bedroom to turn in for the night.  Her bed was glowing in the light of the moon that escaped in between the curtains.  She was exhausted by the evening's events and she couldn't wait to just sink into her bed beneath the covers and close her eyes.

Maybe it was her laziness that convinced her not to turn on the lights as she went to change for bed.  Maybe it was her tiredness that made her forget about the boxes that were scattered across the floor of the tiny room.  Maybe it was the sudden burst of pain in her side that made her disregard her surroundings.  

Abby doubled over in pain clutching her side and letting out a moan.  She needed to get to the phone.  She needed to call for help.  She tried to make it to the phone, but she tripped over one of the many boxes.  She slammed into the bed frame heavily and her last conscious thoughts were of her daughter who was sleeping in the next room…

~*~

Abby could vaguely remember waking up in the middle of the night- or at least she thought it was the middle of the night- and rolling on her side in pain.  She remembered throwing up on the side but feeling no relief from the acute pain in her lower abdomen.  Her stomach hurt, her side hurt, her head was pounding and the pain shooting through her arm was almost unbearable.  She tried to reach the phone or call out for help, but the pain was too intense and she was too weak and all she could do was mutter Ashley's name before retching again painfully into the carpet next to her head.

A shriek had startled her back into semi-consciousness and she saw Ashley standing before her, tears pouring down her cheeks.

"Mommy!" she screeched again.

"Call… 9-1-1…" Abby managed to get out.  Her head was still aching and her side felt like it was splitting open.  She was nauseous and dizzy and her arm hurt her so much that she felt like she would black out again.  Ashley nodded fretfully and hurried to the phone.  Abby could see her little fingers shaking as she dialed the numbers and the little girl's body was heaving with sobs.  Abby wanted to hold the girl and reassure her that everything would be okay, but she couldn't move.  

"Ashley…" Abby moaned as the little girl stated their address, her voice shaking with tears and fear.  Ashley looked at her mother tentatively again, as though she was scared to see her like this.

"There's throw-up and blood everywhere," she sobbed into the phone, "and her arm is twisted the wrong way." 

Abby lifted her head, trying to desperately to get up, but she couldn't.  She closed her eyes in pain, hoping desperately that this was a nightmare and she would wake up and everything would be okay and then the darkness overtook her again.

**R e v I e w     PLEASE!**


	15. More than you'll ever understand

**Mother Dear**

A/N: Okay, I won't ask for reviews because 'frog' told me that I sound desperate.  I'll just sit here meekly and writer. ;)

DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of it.  

~*~

Abby woke up to darkness.  She was trying desperately to figure out where she was, but she was uncoordinated and weak.

"Ashley…" she cried out softly into the empty room, "Ashley…?"

A soft light from the hallway was escaping beneath the doorway and she strained to see her surroundings.  As far as she could tell she was in a hospital.  That didn't comfort her at all.  Where was Ashley?  Had something happened to her when the paramedics came?  She felt her heart pounding against her chest and she wanted to get up, but she couldn't.  She could feel an IV in her left hand and her right arm was being held firmly in place from the base of her fingers to just below her shoulder by a heavy cast.  Her stomach was sore and her head was throbbing lightly.

"Help me," she whispered as a tear fell down her cheek, "help me."  A figure somewhere near the bed stirred.

"Shh…" a reassuring voice came from next to her, "don't worry, I'm here." He held her hand gently and she closed her eyes, somewhat relieved.

"Ashley?" she asked again, anxiety rushing through her once more.

"She's here, she's sleeping, just rest," Carter's voice cooed again.

She closed her eyes, tired and strained and fell asleep again, wondering where she was, what had happened and if Ashley was alright.

~*~

Abby awoke in the morning, less groggy than she had been the night before.  Her fingers tingled uncomfortably and she looked them, red and swollen and protruding from the immense, heavy cast.  Her stomach was bothering her and she couldn't figure out what was wrong with it.  Her head ached, but much less than it had the night before.

"Good morning, sunshine," an exhausted voice said from next to her.  She shifted uncomfortably, a pain shooting through her stomach and there was Carter, sitting next to the bed in a chair.

"Have you been here all night?" she asked her voice raspy and tired.

"Pretty much," he responded, "Ashley refused to leave.  They had to bring a cot for her."  Abby looked past Carter at the tiny body sprawled across the little cot that had been rolled into the room.

"Is that even allowed?" Abby wondered aloud, but she smiled despite her worry.

"I pulled a few strings," Carter stated.

"What happened?" Abby asked him after a few seconds' pause.

"Your appendix ruptured suddenly.  I assume that you fell over in pain.  You hit your bed on the way down and broke your arm.  You passed out from a concussion."

"Is Ashley okay?" 

"She was scared silly when the paramedics brought you in.  Thank God Susan recognized her right away.  She was muttering something about blood and vomit and your bedroom floor.  She was pretty upset, but she should be okay.  As soon as we convinced her that you would be alright, she settled down."  Abby nodded.

"How are you feeling?" he asked her.

"Sore," she said with a wince.

"Yeah, I would be too if I weighed that much and fell against a huge bed." Abby chuckled but had to stop immediately because her stomach began to hurt intensely.

"I didn't know what was happening.  I was sure I was going to die.  God, it hurt so much, I don't think I've ever felt anything that extreme before… including childbirth," she said with a grin.

"It's a good thing Ashley called 9-1-1 when she did.  They had to take out your spleen because it had already been damaged, but it could have been much worse if you were left any longer."  Abby looked fondly at the little girl in the bed and then back at Carter.  A tear slid down her cheek.  Carter wiped it away and smiled at her.

"Don't worry," he said quietly, "It's going to be okay." Abby nodded.

"I know," she said, "but I was so scared. I remember falling over and all I could think of was Ashley and what would happen to her if I died.  She'd be all alone, Carter.  She's only six."

"She wouldn't be alone," he whispered, "She has me now." Abby nodded again.

"She does, doesn't she?"  

"She always will," he said softly and he kissed Abby softly on the lips.  He pulled away afterwards, remembering what she had told him the night before, and she smiled at him.  How could she have gone seven years without him?

~*~

When Ashley woke up, it was already late morning.  Carter had gone to get himself some lunch and Abby was watching the television quietly.  They had both decided that it would be best to let the little girl sleep in and miss a day of school after her traumatizing night.  Abby watched her yawn and stretch and she flicked the TV off.

"Good morning, Ashley," she said brightly.  Ashley turned to face her, a broad grin on her face.

"Mommy!" she exclaimed happily, "how is your tummy?  Susan said that you had such a bad tummy ache that you fell over and that's when you hurt your arm.  She said it was like the time I had a tummy ache.  I threw up then, too, only I made it to the bathroom.  Remember?" Abby nodded, smiling.

"Yes," she said and she patted the bed and waited for Ashley to come and sit on the bed next to her. The little girl stared at her mother quietly.

"I was scared last night, Mommy," she whispered, "I didn't want you to die.  I thought that I would never get to see you again and I was so scared.  I love you so much, Mommy."  Abby felt a lump grow in her throat.

"I'm not going anywhere," she said quietly, wrapping her good arm around the little girl.  She kissed Ashley's forehead and Ashley leaned against her mother's head, tears falling silently down her cheeks, "I love you too, Ashley," she said giving the little girl a squeeze, "more than you'll ever understand."

"Mommy?" the little girl said after a few seconds, "Where did Daddy go?"  

"He went to bring you lunch.  He thought you would be hungry when you woke up."

"He was so scared last night too.  He even cried.  One time Ben told me that boys don't cry, but Daddy did last night.  He cried when he first saw you because of the blood on your head."  Abby felt awful, but at the same time, she was so happy to be with her daughter and Carter and to have this time together, the three of them.  And she felt so evil because deep down she was pleased that Carter had cried for her, she was happy that he cared.

**Please REVIEW!!! You know you wanna…**


	16. Nothing's going to happen

**Mother Dear**

A/N: Review me.  Snow day today, so I thought I'd get some done.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own it.

~*~

Abby was all alone that night.  Carter had taken Ashley to the mansion for the night and she smiled thinking what Ashley would say when she saw the immense house.  She closed her eyes uncomfortably, trying to fall asleep.  The bed was hard and the temperature in the room was unpleasantly warm.  She would be going home tomorrow though she had committed to at least a week of bed rest.  Her stomach felt fine as she lay in the bed, but when she got up, the pressure on her lower abdomen made her cry out in pain.  She could hardly get to the washroom and back to bed.

Carter had kindly offered for her to stay in the mansion 'you can have the other wing if you want'.  She didn't want to test his hospitality, she didn't want his charity and she didn't want to be served hand and foot by Carter's maids.  

On the other hand, she knew that she would have trouble at home if she had to stay in bed.  Ashley was a good kid, but even she had her moments.  And how was she supposed to cook?  And clean?  

She sighed loudly.

And Carter was at Carter's house… She revoked herself inwardly for even thinking something so stupid.  Of course Carter was there, what did that matter?  But she knew it did.  It mattered a lot.  Abby wouldn't admit it to anyone, not even to herself- and definitely not to him- but she was falling for the handsome doctor… again.  She knew that he liked her too, hadn't he kissed her?  But she didn't want to take things too fast.  She had just moved back, she had Ashley, she had to get her career on the go again, and, more importantly, she had to recover from her surgery.

She closed her eyes once more, thinking of Carter and Ashley together.  Though she was slightly jealous that they were together while she was here, she was so happy that they got along so well.  They were so cute together and watching them made her proud.  Her daughter finally had a father.

~*~

Abby was sitting by her bed again at 4:30 in the afternoon, clutching Abby's hand and telling her mother about her day.  Carter wanted to take her to 'Ike's' for dinner, but she refused to leave Abby's side or let go of Abby's hand, so he left quietly and said he would return with enough food for both of them.

"And then," the girl took a deep breath, "I made a picture of a pony and then it was recess and we played duck-duck-goose.  I got picked twice, once by Ben and once by my other friend, Anna.  And Anna has dolls too, Mommy, so she said I could go to her house and we could play dress up and dolls together.  Do you think I could go, Mommy?  Last night, at Daddy's house, I found a doll, but it wasn't a Barbie.  Its head was made of the same stuff as a tea-cup and it was bigger and it had a soft stomach even though its arms and legs were hard.  But Daddy said I couldn't play with it because it was his Gamma's before she died so I watched the big TV instead.  I got lost once, but Daddy found me.  I was in the basement and the room had a funny green table with balls and sticks on it.  Daddy said it was a game, but it didn't look very fun to me.  It looked like someone could hurt themselves with one of those sticks…"  Abby looked at Ashley strangely.  It was unlike her to think of the safety hazards of… well, of anything.  Plus, she had a rather uncomfortably tight grip on Abby's hand and when Abby tried to wriggle free, the little girl just held on tighter, her knuckles now becoming white and her eyes open with fear.

"And his house is really big, Mommy," she ranted on about nothing in particular and Abby noticed how, this too, was unlike her daughter. Ashley was a chatter box, but she usually had a point to her chattering.  Now it seemed as though she was just talking for talking's sake.  Not only that, but whenever Abby looked away or closed her eyes momentarily, Ashley would look at her worriedly and feel her forehead.

"Are you okay, Mommy?  Do you feel sick again?  Should I call a doctor?"  She did this again for about the tenth time in the conversation just as Carter walked into the room with two plates of food.  He looked at Abby's empty plate.

"Not hungry?"

"Oh, no, I'm hungry," Abby said nodding, "but my only good arm is occupied so it's rather hard to get the food into my mouth."  Ashley looked at Abby but refused to let go of her mother's hand.

"Ashley…" Carter began, taking the seat next to the little girl, "don't you want to eat?" Ashley shook her head resolutely.

"You didn't eat breakfast either."  Abby shot him an angry glare.  She let her leave without eating breakfast?

"You don't know what they put in that food," Ashley said pointedly, "You might throw up later if it's bad."  Carter nodded and Abby began to comprehend what was going on.

"Ashley, honey, I didn't get sick last night because of something I ate, I got sick because a little thing in my stomach called my appendix exploded."  Ashley looked at her mother.

"I know," she said, "but I don't want to take a chance."  Abby nodded understandingly.

"I know that you're upset-"

"I'm not upset."  The girl squeezed Abby hand even harder and it was getting painful.

"Ashley… don't you think it's time to let go of my hand?" Ashley shook her resolutely.

"Something might happen to you if I'm not here to watch." 

"Ashley, nothing's going to happen to me."

"How do you know?" the little girl whispered, "Something happened two nights ago."

**REVIEW MOI**


	17. Consoled

**Mother Dear**

A/N: Please review!  Tell me if you think it's getting boring and whatever now.  Tell me if you think the characters are believable too, because I'm trying to keep them true to their TV personalities and I want to know how I'm doing.  Thanks.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of it.

~*~

"Ashley, I know that you're nervous and that what happened scared you-" Carter began kindly.

"It didn't scare me," Ashley stated resolutely staring at Abby's meal, the tears welling up in her eyes.

"Carter, it's okay, just…. Leave it."  Abby sighed.  Carter looked rather crestfallen but he stopped talking, sat down and put the food on the table next to the bed.  A tear fell down Ashley's cheek and Abby lifted her hand- with Ashley's hand holding tightly onto it- to brush it away.  Ashley was still staring at Abby's platter of food.

"Did you eat lunch?" Abby asked the girl softly, her voice filled with worry, regret and love.  The little girl nodded slightly.  

"Okay," Abby said.  Abby lifted her arm again and wiped the hair out of the little girl's face.  She stroked her daughter's cheek and she felt the little girl's grip loosen slightly.  Carter was watching intently.  The love the mother and daughter had for each other was clear.  

Abby began to hum a soft to Ashley.  Carter assumed that it had been a lullaby from when the girl was a baby and he suddenly felt rather out of place. The little girl's body trembled slightly with tears.  

"It's okay to cry," Abby soothed.

"Mommy…" the little girl sobbed as she released Abby hand and climbed up onto the bed with her mother. She rested her head against Abby's chest and touched the large white cast hesitantly, her sobs disappearing.  She felt from the very top of the cast down to Abby's elbow which was as far as the little girl could reach from her position.

"Does it hurt?" she asked after a few minutes.

"A little," Abby said truthfully, "mostly it just feels funny.  My fingers are tingling."  The little girl looked up and faced Abby, placing her hand softly over a sore spot on Abby's forehead.

"What about your head?" she whispered.  Abby didn't dare wince for fear what Ashley would do though Ashley's hand was irritating the spot and it felt like it was on flame.

"It's much better than before," she stated, her voice steady.

"They had to sew it closed where it was bleeding."  The little girl continued to stare at the spot on Abby's forehead as she twirled a bit of Abby's hair with her pudgy little finger. Abby waited patiently until the girl pulled her eyes away and curled back into Abby's arm.

"What about your tummy?" 

"It's all better when I'm lying down like this, but it hurts sometimes when I stand up."

"All better…" the girl repeated.

"All better," Abby stated kindly but firmly.  The little girl took Abby's good arm and placed it around her shoulders, cocooning herself in her mother's embrace.

Abby looked toward Carter who was staring back at her amazed.  He had never seen anyone who was so capable with little children.  Abby smiled and beckoned for him to come closer.  The little girl raised his head as Carter approached bearing the food.

"I'm ready to eat now," she said.  Carter helped Ashley off the bed and handed her a hamburger sandwich.  Abby finally turned her attention toward her food and the three of them ate in a satisfied silence.


	18. Real parents share a room

**Mother Dear**

A/N: Okay, I got a few reviews commenting on Ashley's vocabulary… I don't remember the extent of my vocabulary from when I was that age, but I don't think I was stupid then, either.  You have to remember that she's nearly seven and she's in first grade.  I volunteer at a youth group with kids that age, and I don't have to dumb myself down for them to understand me, they're smarter than you think.  _Also, _Abby isn't the type of mother who uses a high-pitched, sugared-over baby voice and says things like, "Oh, did little Ashley get an owie?  Let me put a little pink band aid on your boo-boo, little Ashley."  She's really blunt with her daughter and it just seemed to me that if Ashley was around people who spoke normally, she would pick it up.

But if you disagree or whatever, review and tell me, please, I love hearing what you think.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own it, blah blah blah.

~*~

Abby slept badly that night.  She was woken every hour for a nurse to take her temperature and it seemed as though every time she was just about to drift back into slumber, she was awoken by another nurse.  Was she this annoying as a nurse?

 She slept on late into the morning despite the bright sun that was escaping through the flimsy drapes and the breakfast tray that had been set up next to the bed. 

When she finally gave up on trying to sleep in the uncomfortable bed, she flicked on the television and tried to immerse herself in a soap opera she had never seen before, but she couldn't keep track of any of the characters' story lines and who was having whose baby, so she flicked the TV off again and stared absent-mindedly into space.  

Susan entered the room around noon with a bagged lunch that she handed to Abby.  She took the seat next to the bed and waited as Abby took a bite from the bagel.

"Thank you so much," gushed Abby, "The food here tastes worse than my mother's meatloaf." Susan grinned.

"How're you doing?"

"Better, thanks."

"That's good; you looked awful when they brought you in."

"Gee, thanks, Susan," Abby rolled her eyes.

"No, Abby, I'm serious… and Ashley… it was terrible."  Abby watched her seriously.

"She was really upset," she said quietly. Abby chewed her sandwich thoughtfully.

"She wasn't half as bad as Carter.  God, he looked like crap.  He didn't sleep the whole night. He just sat up here watching you."  Abby's heart fluttered.  She couldn't get his soft, encouraging words from when she awoke in the dark, terrified, out of her mind.

"Yeah," Abby said wistfully.  Susan was smiling at her.

"What?" Abby exclaimed.

"It's just… you. You and him, you're so cute."

"Oh, please," Abby rolled her eyes again, grinning.  She felt herself blushing in delight, though.

"I haven't seen him this happy since before…" 

"Before Kem died?" Abby filled in for her.  Susan shook her head.

"Since before you left," she said finally.  

~*~

Abby sat in the back seat of the car with Ashley as they drove to the mansion later that evening.   She had finally given in to Carter's request and she was going to spend a week and a half at his place. Ashley was gazing at her mother happily and Abby smiled back at her.

"I love you," she whispered to Ashley, taking the little girl's hand.

"I love you back, Mommy," the girl whispered back, her little pink hat pulled down on her head until it almost covered her eyes.

Carter glanced at them in the rear-view mirror and Abby smiled at him warmly.

"Daddy?"

"Yes?"

"Your room is really big." Carter grinned and Ashley pulled on a curl that had escaped from her hat.

"Yes it is, Ashley."

"I think it's too big for one person, don't you get lonely?" The little girl looked from Abby to Carter and back.

"Sometimes," Carter said, looking at the road, but Abby could see him smiling happily.

"I think Mommy should stay in your room tonight."  Abby turned deep crimson and laughed out loud.

"I think Ashley has been watching too much TV," she declared, embarrassed.

"Mommy, all of my friends' parents sleep in the same room."  Abby blushed an ever deeper red, if that was at all possible.  Carter was looking at Abby in the mirror, his eyes twinkling.  Abby felt her face heat up and she stared at Carter wistfully for a moment before saying,

"Ashley, your friends' parents are married."

"So what?"

"It makes a big difference, kiddo."  

"Ben says that real parents sleep together.  He says that if you don't then I'm not your real kid."  Abby was trying to hold in a laugh.  How the hell did this Ben character know this?

"Ashley look at me," Ashley looked at her mother and Abby knew Carter was listening carefully, "I don't care what Ben says.  Do you really think that you're not my real kid?"

Ashley shook her head somewhat tentatively.

"Then does it matter whether Carter and I sleep in the same room or not?" The little girl shook her head again.

Ashley looked positively defeated as though her whole, complex, thought out plan had been unsuccessful. Carter looked somewhat defeated too, for that matter.  Abby looked at him and she knew from the expression on his face that he knew what she thinking.  That she was wishing she didn't have to follow her own rules.  And Abby knew what Carter was thinking too and she felt her ears turn pink.

**Sorry for the shortness of the chapters.  Take a second and review!!**


	19. Finally

**Mother Dear**

A/N: Hey, nothing special this time, just the usual begging for reviews :o).  Also, I wanted to thank everyone who has been reading since the beginning.  I'm really really self-conscious about my writing and your reviews are really great.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of them.  

~*~  
Abby lay in the immense bed staring at the ceiling.  Carter and Ashley had wanted to watch 'Beauty and the Beast' in her room with her, but she had pardoned herself as she was uncomfortable and exhausted.

She couldn't tell whether it was her stomach that was keeping her up or the images of Carter that kept slipping into her mind.

He was smiling at her from the driver's seat of the car, he was playing with Ashley, he was whispering to her, he was yelling at her, he was kissing her…

She smiled as she thought of Ashley's request in the car.  Of course, she had wanted to say yes, but she knew she couldn't.  She couldn't send that message to her daughter.  So now, she was lying alone and uncomfortable and Carter would be doing the same shortly.  She sighed, but she wasn't really upset at all.  In fact, she was happy that they were taking their relationship slowly.  Was what they were doing even considered a relationship?  Probably not. It was more like close friends who happened to have a kid.

Argh!  She hated this; she hated just being close friends.  She had spent seven years thinking about him that was too long to just be 'close friends'.  But he probably didn't feel the same way.

Who was she kidding?  Hadn't he kissed her?  She could still feel his soft lips against hers… hadn't he stayed up all night next to her bed?... hadn't his eyes twinkled with delight when Ashley made her suggestion in the car?

This was too confusing.  She knew how she felt, at least she thought she did, but she didn't know if he felt the same way.  

And she needed to know.

~*~

She was still lying awake nearly two hours later when she heard a little knock on the door.

"Come in?"

"Hey," Carter whispered, "I didn't want to wake you if you were asleep."

"What's up?" she asked sitting up against the backboard painfully.

"You don't have to sit up, I just came to see how you were and … you know … talk."

Abby smiled.

"Have a seat," she said patting the bed next to her.  He sat down hesitantly.

"So…" He began.

"Yes?"

"I hope you don't mind the room.  I wanted to put you near Ashley, but I'm two doors down."

"It's great, Carter," she assured him.

"I- thanks for agreeing to stay here."

"Anytime, really, it was my pleasure." Abby joke.  She looked at Carter's face. He was grinning and it was being illuminated by the moon that was shining through the open window. She breathed in sharply.

"Well then, you'll agree to come more often?"

"Carter…"

"Not like that, Abby, I just like having you guys around.  You brought the happiness back into my life.  You gave me my daughter; you came back with all the things I was mourning for."

"Carter…"

"I mean, I loved Jason with all my heart.  He was so handsome… he was… perfect.  But Kem and I, we never hit it off like you and I did.  We were the best of friends, but I never felt this way around her.  We stayed together because of Jason…"

"Carter…"

"She used to go downtown Monday afternoons to work with a non-profit AIDS organization and I would have Jason all to myself.  I looked forward to those afternoons like nothing else.  He used to call me Daddy Carter because he couldn't figure out which was my name." Carter chuckled and Abby grinned, "Yeah, he was so sweet."  He looked out the window wistfully and his expression broke Abby's heart.  Without knowing exactly what she was doing and why she was doing it, she reached out and rubbed his arm comfortingly.  He looked at her sadly and smiled half-heartedly.  She took his face in her hand, caressing his cheeks tenderly.  He closed his eyes and Abby brought her face to meet his, kissing him tenderly.  She had never felt this way before, she had electricity shooting through her body and she felt lightheaded at the same time.  She felt him put his hand on the back of her hand, pulling her towards him.  He had his other hand lightly on her shoulder.

She heard him emitting a soft groan from the base of his throat and she moaned in response, unconsciously.  

They pulled away from each other, each breathing raggedly, desperate for contact. He lowered his head to her neck and trailed soft kisses down her neck and back up to her mouth.  

"Carter…" she said softly as he kissed her bare shoulder softly- she was in a tank-top.

"Hmm…" 

"I've wanted this… for so long…" Carter looked at her.

"So have I," he whispered lovingly, "seven years is a long time."

**Review me, mon cheri.**


	20. Dinner table smalltalk

**Mother Dear**

A/N: People who review are the best.  Okay, **chapter 19 was _not_ the last chapter**.  I have the decency to tell you when it's done.  I know that you all want it over so fast, but I'm going to make you suffer. ;)

DISCLAIMER: Not mine

~*~

Carter and Abby were talking quietly, reminiscing of times long since past.

"Mommy?  Are you awake?"  Abby glanced at the time; it was too late for Ashley to be up.

"Come on in." The little girl approached the big bed.  She was wearing her pajamas and she was rubbing her eye with her fist.

"Why are you awake?" Abby asked her daughter.

"I wasn't tired anymore.  I wanted to talk." Ashley climbed up onto the bed with a little boost from Carter.

"What did you want to talk about?"

"Just stuff." Carter and Abby glanced at each other.

Abby waited patiently, but rather worriedly, for the girl to begin talking. Ashley meanwhile was looking from Carter to Abby, who were sitting rather close to each other on the bed, with a triumphant grin.

"A lot has changed since we got here," the girl said finally, eyeing Carter with a smile.

"I know, Ashley," Abby said, wiping a stray curl out of Ashley's face with her good arm.  She was trying to figure out what Ashley was getting at and why she kept exchanging secretive glances with her father.

"It's not bad…," Ashley said thoughtfully, "It's just different.  It's a little bit scary too, because I don't know what's going to happen next." 

"I know it can be scary," Abby said reassuringly, "Change can be confusing.  But some things will never change.  You can always talk to me, that will never change," Abby said, "and we will always have each other, no matter what. And I'll always love you more than anything." Abby smiled warmly at her daughter and the little girl nodded.

"I'll love you too, Mommy.  Forever and ever." 

"See?  As long as we stick together, we can handle anything."  Ashley nodded again. She looked slightly less distraught.  

"And we have Daddy now, too," Ashley said, smiling yet again at Carter.

"Yes, we do," Abby said with a smile.

"Mommy?"

"Yes?"

"Do you love Daddy forever too?" Abby hesitated and Ashley eyed her mother expectantly. Carter shifted his position in the bed.  He wanted to hear the answer to this question too.

"Ashley, you father and I..." she was at a loss for words. She really hated lying to her daughter, "Yes, Ashley," she said finally, "I do." Ashley grinned happily and turned her attention to Carter.

"See, Daddy, I told you so."  Abby looked at Carter sternly.  He tried to look innocent, but was failing miserably.

"I- She- We were just talking," he said.

"Mmhmm." Abby was not convinced.

"Dinner table Smalltalk." Abby laughed appreciatively.

"You are so busted," she said.

"It was worth it," Carter muttered, "but I think I'll go and put the munchkin at the end of the bed to sleep now.  You should probably get some rest too."  Abby groaned.

"When my week and a half is up, I'm never going to sleep again," she said.  Carter chuckled and picked Ashley up off the bed.

"Good night, Mommy," she said in a delighted tone.  

"Sweet dreams."

**Short chapters suck. Review.**


	21. At odds

**Mother Dear**

A/N: That last chapter was so unlike me.  Snow day blues.  Gosh, you're so excited when they announce it on the radio, but the second one in a row, blah.

DISCLAIMER: Don't own them… I seem to be saying this a lot lately.

~*~  
It was a few days later when Abby started to feel significantly better.  It was still uncomfortable to walk around, but it wasn't the sharp, stabbing pain it had been.  Her arm had become more a nuisance than a source of pain.  Abby was starting to feel fidgety, she hated sitting in bed all day and she felt like Carter and Ashley were just leaving her there.

She knew that was stupid, they came to see her every night, but what had started out as morning meetings, dinners together and a movie before bed had turned into a quick 'good night' followed by a kiss on the head.  She wanted to go back to the apartment.  She hated having servants bustling around the room and cleaning up after her.  It had been nice at first, to be able to leave stuff lying around, but the neat-freak in her was coming out and she was almost jealous of the maids who at least got to walk around to their own content.

She was also beginning to feel pangs of jealousy whenever she heard Carter and Ashley giggling or joking outside her bedroom door.  Was it wrong to just want to take Ashley back to the apartment so she could have the little girl all to herself?

And what about the apartment? No one had been there in nearly two weeks and though Carter had gone to lock the place up, she was becoming paranoid of criminals- burglars and thieves- looting the two bedrooms flat while she was gone.

She heard a shriek of laughter just outside the door and she sat up straighter, waiting for her daughter and Carter to come into the room to say hi.  It was nearly seven and it was about time for their nightly visit.  She heard their footsteps echoing away and she sighed deeply, hurt. 

~*~  
Later that evening, when she heard a knock at the door, she considering pretending to be asleep, but the door swung open before she could decide and she had to paste a fake smile on her face to greet them.

"Hi, Mommy," Ashley said with glee.  Abby smiled back, avoiding making eye-contact with Carter.  She wondered if he noticed.  This was the point in the conversation when Abby usually asked her daughter how her day had been.  She didn't and there was an uncomfortable silence.

"School was good."

"Hmmm." Abby was trying to sound vaguely interested, though she was becoming less and less so as the days passed by.  The girl stared at her mother.

"Ben is going to come over in a few days."

"That's nice." Why was she being like this?  Why couldn't she just answer her daughter normally?  She didn't dare look at Carter or Ashley's face now.  She knew the girl would look disappointed and Carter angry.

"Come on, Ashley," Carter muttered taking the little girl's hand.

"That's right, Carter, take her away again."

"I don't know what your problem is lately, Abby, but don't take it out on us!" He nearly screamed.

"I don't have a problem," Abby said roughly.  She couldn't believe herself.  She still loved him, didn't she?  And with her daughter right there, what was she thinking?  Abby saw the little girl's lower lip tremble and her heart broke.  Carter, enraged, let go out of Ashley's hand and approached Abby.

"I let you sleep in my house; I give you food and shelter.  If you don't want it Abby, you're free to go," he nearly spat, "stop being so damned ungrateful."  His face was inches from hers.

"Don't talk like that in front of my daughter," Abby said quietly.

"She's my frigging daughter too," Carter said angrily.  

"I said stop," Abby said, her voice still barely above a whisper. Carter laughed quietly.

"You can't tell me what to do," he said, "You take her away for seven years, and then after I spend five minutes with her, you want to whisk her away again?  I don't think so."

Abby watched a tear fall from Ashley's cheek and soil a spot on her new pink shirt that Carter had bought her.  She looked at the little girl, her heart past broken.  Ashley was looking at Carter, her fear apparent on her face.  Carter was still staring at Abby, fuming.  She had been trying to protect herself from this for seven years.  She looked out the window momentarily and then back at Ashley.  She wouldn't dare look at Carter's face.

Carter turned around and motioned for Ashley to follow him.

"Come on, Ashley," he said roughly.  The girl didn't move; she was frozen to the spot, her eyes glued to her mother's.

"I said come on," Carter repeated. Ashley shook her head slowly and walked up to Abby's bed, leaning herself against her mother's shoulder.  Carter looked from woman to child and back again.

"Fine," he said, his anger melting to grief, "Fine," and defeated he exited the room alone.

"Why was Carter so mad at me?" Ashley asked quietly.  Abby's insides shriveled up when she heard Ashley calling her father 'Carter'.

"He wasn't.  I did something very mean to him and now he's upset," Abby lied.  She didn't want Ashley to hate her own father, to fear him.

"What did you do?"

"It doesn't matter, Ashley.  It's just important that you know that he's not mad at you, he's upset at me and he's angry at what I did, but he'll get over it soon."

"Why did you do that then?"

"I don't know, Ashley, it was wrong of me, and I should apologize.  But you understand that he loves you very much, right?"  Ashley nodded.  Abby smiled sadly at her daughter.  She hated having to lie to her, but she knew she had started the heated conversation, her with her selfish jealousy.  Carter had just met Ashley, they were just getting introduced, they were just bonding, and she had been jealous?  Ashley had known her for seven years, she admired her and adored her and Abby knew it.  She felt so stupid.

"Okay then, go and say sorry to him, okay?" Ashley nodded and scampered off to find her father.  

What Abby didn't know was that Carter had been standing just outside the door.  He had been about to come back to apologize when he heard them talking and he decided to listen instead.  His heart flooded with emotion and he backed away just in time to see Ashley scurry out in search for him.

**Hate to leave Carter and Abby at odds at the end of a chapter… Hate to have them at odds at all, but I needed to add some conflict. Tell me what you think.**


	22. Resolved for a moment

**Mother Dear**

A/N: There's more to their squabble than meets the eye.  I shall explain in the upcoming chapters.  REVIEW and try to be pleasant.  I might not be able to update as much in the next few days… alas, midterms call and I take a double curriculum.  12 exams in two weeks.  Can someone just kill me now?

DISCLAIMER: Anything you recognize is not mine.  (Except Ashley).

~*~

Abby watched Ashley scurry out of the room and she sighed deeply, staring up at the ceiling, upset.  She banged her head against the backboard a few times, angrily.

"Don't do that too hard, you might hurt yourself." 

She looked up.  He was standing in the doorway.

"Argh!" she said frustrated, "I was actually hoping that it would knock some sense into my thick skull."  He smiled and approached the bed.

"I heard what you said," he told her, "Thank you."  She looked at him blankly.

"I think I must've hit my head a little too hard.  I'm having symptoms of amnesia."

"What you told Ashley," he said with a grin.  Comprehension dawned on her face.

"You were listening?"

"Not on purpose.  You can't close your ears."

"Yeah, well, it was my fault so it wasn't right that –" She stopped talking as he sat on the bed.

"It doesn't matter whose fault it was.  Besides, I admit that I've been a little caught in the moment lately.  I know that we haven't much time with you."  Abby snorted.

"Oh, please, don't make me sound so humble," she said, playing with the top of her cast.  He smiled.

"It's just, well; this is all so new to me, having a kid and everything. You've been doing it for seven years and you're so capable too.  She adores you and I got kind of jealous.  I guess, subconsciously, I thought that if she saw you too much, she'd think she had to choose between of the two of us.  And, as we've just witnessed, she chooses you."

"Carter, she's not choosing anyone.  She's seven.  She thought you were mad at her, so she ran to me.  If I was in your place, she would run to you.  Children are like that." 

"I just wish that… that I understood her like you do.  I wouldn't know to do the things you do at the times that you do them."

"You learn, Carter.  That's the beauty of growing old.  You don't just get older, you get wiser."

"At the rate I'm going, I should reach the intelligence level of a teenager by the time I'm 85."  Abby chuckled. 

"You know that's not true.  You calmed her down when I was sick. You were there when I couldn't be.  She'll always remember that." Carter gazed at her.

"I'm sorry for what I said," he stated finally.

"Me, too," Abby responded.  Abby turned her attention to the yard again and Carter followed suit.  She turned to look at his profile.  He still looked impossibly young and the softness around his eyes made him seem sweet and kind.  He knew she was staring at him and he turned to look at her too.  They drew their faces closer together until Abby could feel his breath against the skin on her face.  She felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up and she closed her eyes, trying to hold the moment forever. 

Their lips touched and Abby felt electricity shooting up and down her spine.  She had kissed many men before, but none had that effect on her.  She felt him bring his arms up and cup her face in his hands.  He scooted over to be closer to her, their lips never detaching. 

They heard the door open quickly and they knew Ashley was there.  They couldn't part quick enough, however and she caught a glimpse of what they were doing.

"I found you!" she said triumphantly facing Carter.  Carter nodded his face a bright pink. 

"Ashley…" Abby began, embarrassed.  She hadn't had a boyfriend since she left.  Ashley had never seen her with another man.  Had she just corrupted her child? But Ashley was grinning smugly with an I-told-you-so expression.

"It's okay, Mommy.  I guess Daddy forgives you then."  Carter and Abby laughed out loud and Abby jumped up on the bed to join her parents.

**All made up… or are they? REVIEW!**

  
  



	23. We'll stay

**Mother Dear**

A/N: Review and tell me that you think

DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything.

~*~

Abby had taken to wondering around the mansion when Ashley was at school and Carter at work.  Her stomach felt fine and being cooped up in the room – however large and luxurious it was – was driving her squirrelly.   

She opened the door to Ashley's room and looked at the toys that were strewn across the floor.  Carter had taken her shopping for clothes and toys and pretty much anything the little girl wanted.  Abby knew the little girl would never quite be satisfied living in their small apartment building again, but still, she was happy to see Carter and Ashley getting along so nicely.

A week ago, she had been jealous and spiteful when Ashley had started to spend time with Carter, but as she began to accept the fact that Carter was the girl's father and was entitled to as much time as he wanted with his daughter, she found herself delighting in watching the two of them scampering around in the yard, flipping pancakes (Ashley had looked so cute with flour all over her face) and watching videos, Ashley's small figure spread across her parents' laps.

She and Carter had also started to become much more at ease in each other's presence.  They had talked for hours last night, about nothing in particular.  Carter had lain beside her in the bed, on top of the covers, his socked feet reaching out nearly a foot past hers and they had talked until both their voices had been hoarse and it was well past midnight.  

She was still puzzled over their relationship, not sure whether they were merely friends or a couple.  They hadn't succumbed to their physical desire for one another since the night that Ashley had walked in on them kissing.  She was frightened that it would turn out to be just that: physical desire, and nothing more.  And so, she and Carter talked and re-introduced each other to the other's life and they spend hours a day together, but they hadn't reached a point in their relationship where they were ready to go any further.

Abby didn't know whether she was happy with this or not.  She loved talking to Carter, she had never found anyone with whom she could open up so easily, but at the same time, she did lust after him and her heart still fluttered when his arm brushed against hers accidentally and when she caught him staring at her before he quickly refocused his gaze.  

~*~

Dinner that evening was an affair.  Apparently, Carter had instructed the staff to make a feast in honor of Abby's last night at the mansion.  Abby, while pleased that he had been so thoughtful, was not excited to leave.  Nor, she could tell, was Ashley.

The little girl remained unnaturally silent throughout the start of the meal staring at Carter sadly.

"You're still going to see me," he reassured her, "You can come over whenever you want."

"But it won't be the same," she moaned, upset, "I like having all of us together."  Abby watched them interact quietly and she felt strangely guilty.  

"I'm sure your mother will let you sleep over sometime," Carter said firmly, looking at Abby.  Abby nodded.

"Whenever you want, Ashley."

"But I want _all_ of us here together," she said again, whining.

"Ashley, we can't always have what we want.  We have an apartment that is filled with all of our things.  That's our home, Ashley.  I know you've had fun here, but you knew it would only be for a week and a half." Ashley looked devastated and Abby and Carter exchanged worried glances.

"I don't want to go back," the little girl said firmly, "and you can't make me."

"Ashley Rose Carter, don't pull an attitude with me," Abby said, warning in her tone.  This was the first time Carter had ever seen Abby even remotely upset with the girl.  Ashley sulked into her seat and Abby looked pained.  She hated getting upset at Ashley, but she didn't want to have to deal with this.  She didn't want to leave either, and it seemed unfair to make Ashley suffer through something that she didn't want to happen either.  Unfortunately, Carter seemed unaware of all of this, as he remained quiet.

"Pass the potatoes, please," Abby said to Carter and he handed them to her quietly, "Ashley don't play with your food," Abby said turning her attention to the little girl who was making stick fingers on her plate with her asparagus.

"I don't want to go back home," the little girl whined again, "Why do we have to go back home?  I like it better here."

"We can't always have what we want," Abby repeated.  Carter was watching them both sadly.  There was nothing he wanted more than to invite his family to live with him, but he was hesitant.  He didn't know how Abby would take it.

They all ate in silence for a little while, Ashley still sulking and Abby trying to eat left-handedly.

"Well," Carter declared, trying to brighten the mood, "this is good.  I'll have to ask the cook what it is." Neither Ashley nor Abby responded.

"Look," Carter said finally, "I don't want my two favorite girls leaving my house so upset."

"I don't want to leave, Daddy," Ashley said, appealing to her father now, having given up on her mother.  Carter did want them to stay.  There was nothing he wanted more right at this moment.  He thought for sure that Abby would strangle him for suggesting it and getting the girl's hopes up, but he suggested it anyway.

"Well," he said finally, looking cautiously at Abby, "I don't mind if you stay as long as your mother agrees."  Abby fumbled and her fork clattered against her plate loudly.  She cleared her throat and looked at Carter.

"What?"

"You can stay," he said, surprised with Abby's reaction.  He knew she had been thinking about it, why did she sound so surprised.

"Just like that?" Abby said, amazed.

"Just like that," Carter said with a grin.  They looked at each other, their eyes communicating far more clearly than their mouths ever could.

"Just like that," Abby repeated softly.  She looked at the girl who was sitting by her side staring up at Abby, her eyes pleading for her mother to agree.  Abby smiled at her.  She didn't know why she didn't answer right away, she had wanted this.  Of course, this did put certain finality on the whole situation.  What would people say when they knew that Abby had moved in with Carter?  She brushed off her doubts and her smile widened.  

"Okay," she said finally and the little girl squealed with delight, "but I don't know what we're going to do with the apartment and all our stuff and –"

"Don't worry," Carter cut her off, "I'll deal with it."  Her eyes were thanking him much more profusely than her mouth ever would be able to and she felt her heart flutter lightly again as he smiled happily at her.

"Thank you," he muttered gratefully.  Ashley was looking from Carter to Abby expectantly.

"Well," she urged them, "Aren't you going to kiss again?"  Carter and Abby laughed out loud and Abby felt her ears turned to pink.

"Uh, no," she said to her daughter with a grin as she tore her gaze away from Carter and turned her attention back to her food.

**REVIEW!!**


	24. Shopping

**Mother Dear**

A/N: REVIEW PLEASE!!!!!!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own them, unfortunately.

~*~

"I think Barbie," Carter said decisively.

"No," Abby said thoughtfully, "We did Barbie when she turned five.  She's getting a little old for Barbie, anyway." Carter shrugged.

"It was just a suggestion."  They lay in thoughtful silence for a few minutes.

"What about a pool party?"

"They're six and seven years old, Carter, I don't think that would go over well."

"Right, well do you have any suggestions?  Mine don't seem to be very good."  They were lying on Abby's bed together, talking.  Ashley's birthday was coming up in a few weeks and they needed to prepare a party for her.

"I'm thinking," Abby said pulling lightly on a piece of her hair.

"What if we just ask Ashley what she wants?"

"No, it's always a surprise.  It's this tradition that we have."  Carter nodded understandingly. 

"Okay," he said with a yawn, "We'll think of something eventually."  

"Yeah, I guess so.  Anyway, how was work today?" Abby asked him, not wanting them to run out of things to say, afraid that he would leave.

"It was okay.  Busy, as usual.  Five traumas.  Susan asked about you."

"Right, I was supposed to call her back," Abby exclaimed.

"Don't worry about it, I told her you're okay, just busy and she seemed to understand."

"I'll call her first thing tomorrow," Abby said making a mental note.  Carter yawned again and got up to leave.

"Wait," Abby said quickly.  She didn't want him to leave, so she was searching her mind desperately for something to talk about.  Carter turned to face her.

"Yeah?"

"You have a day off tomorrow right?  And I don't start work again until next week when I get this cast off."  Carter nodded.

"So, what do you want to do, then?  Tomorrow, I mean."

"Sleep in late, lounge about the house, I don't know.  Relax."  

"Oh," Abby said sounding somewhat disappointed.  She had wanted to do something with him, but she didn't want to sound too desperate.

"Why? Do you have something in mind?"

"Actually…" Abby began remembering a promise she had made to Ashley weeks ago, "I was hoping we could go to the mall…"

"The mall?"

"Yeah, and buy Ashley another Barbie…"

"Another Barbie?" 

"Yeah, I promised her…"

"You did?"  Abby nodded.

"I thought she was too old for Barbie's," Carter stated, but he was grinning.

"Well…"

"Sure, I guess so.  After lunch I guess, or something. The movers are going to be around with your stuff tomorrow at about noon.  So after that."  Abby smiled happily.  She'd be able to spend all day with Carter.

"Great!"

"Yeah.  Well, anyway, I'm going to sleep."  He rolled off the bed and walked to the door, stopping at the threshold.

"Good night, Abby."

"G'night, Carter."

~*~

"Okay, how about this one?" Carter asked picking up a box filled with doll paraphernalia and a Barbie dressed in pink.  Abby turned to look at it and made a face.

"It's nice and all, Carter, but it's blonde."

"I like blondes."

"You're a forty year old man, of course you like tall skinny blondes with cleavage," she said rolling her eyes, "Ashley wanted one that looked like her.  You know curly brown hair, brown eyes…"

"Right," he said putting the box down.  Abby had never gone shopping with Carter before, but he was worse than shopping with Ashley.  He wanted to buy every girl's toy he saw and he delighted in choosing everything to the last detail.  Even so, she couldn't help but smile.  They must look like a married couple buying presents for their daughter.  She loved pretending to be a real family when she was with Carter and Ashley.  She regretted that she had to get her cast off a week Monday because she loved hanging out just the three of them.

Susan had come for lunch a few days ago and she and Abby had spent the whole afternoon in the living room together talking.  Carter would saunter in occasionally and ask them if there was anything they needed and Susan would give Abby a happy, excited glance.  When Abby asked what it had been about, Susan had said, 'nothing, it's just that the three of you are so cute!'.  Abby had rolled her eyes, but inside she was delighted.  Everything was going so well.

"What do you think of this?" Carter asked suddenly, holding out yet another box with doll clothes, accessories and other little trinkets.

"Carter, it's lovely, but well, I don't think Ashley needs that right now," Carter nodded again and put the box back on the shelf.

"Here, this one looks just like her," Carter stated picking up a doll that fit Abby's description.

"It's great," Abby said and Carter beamed.

"Okay, I just wanted to get Ashley one more thing…" Carter said searching the store, "but I think we might have to go somewhere else."  Abby nodded and rolled her eyes following Carter to the cashier.

"No, Carter, you don't have to…" Abby whined as Carter picked up the porcelain doll.  

"She wanted to play with one at my house, but I wouldn't let her, so I wanted to buy her one for her own."

"Carter, you spoil her rotten," Abby said with a grin.

"It's a Dad thing," he said with a mock holier-than-thou attitude, "you women don't understand." Abby chuckled and finally agreed to let Carter purchase the doll on the condition that he gives it to Ashley for a birthday present."

"Okay," said Carter approaching the cashier.  Abby bit her bottom lip.  That doll was awfully expensive and she felt a little uncomfortable.  She knew that she'd never be able to afford something so beautiful for Ashley.  Well, she finally consoled herself, he was the girl's father and that's what father's do.  They like to spoil their kids.  And besides, she couldn't think of anything more that she enjoyed doing than watching Carter's face light up when he played with Ashley, or bought presents for Ashley or just watched the girl as she scrunched her face in thought or giggled.

"Well," Carter said glancing at his watch, "It's only 2:30, how about we walk around for a bit?  Get ice cream, rummage about in stores…"  Abby smiled happily.

"I thought you'd never ask."  Carter held out his hand and Abby took it rather hesitantly.  She leaned against his arm and they walked through the mall enjoying each other's presence.

  
  



	25. Memories

**Mother Dear**

A/N: Won't be able to update this weekend because I have two finals and ten midterms, so I'm going to treat you to one more chapter now and then if I have time maybe Sunday.   REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!

DISCLAIMER: NOT MINE.

~*~

Dinner that night was interesting.  Ashley insisted upon bringing her new Barbie, 'Lauren' to the table along with Annie to keep her company.

"Ashley, please don't play while you're eating," Abby said, but she was smiling, happy that Ashley was enjoying the new dolls.  Ashley put the dolls on the chair next to her and returned to her food.

"How was school?" Carter asked his daughter.

"Okay, can Sara come over tomorrow?"  Carter looked questioningly at Abby who nodded.

"Okay," she told her daughter, "but I have to speak to Sara's mom first."  Ashley nodded happily.  Carter looked at the beautiful woman across from the table from him.  He had been so angry with her when she had returned to Chicago, so mad that she had left with no notice, but now he had only to look at her to smile appreciatively.  Abby knew he was looking at her and she felt her cheeks get hot with pleasure. She had never felt this way about any man before.  Richard had been a disaster, Luka had been a great friend, but Carter was a soul mate.   Why was it so hard to tell him that she loved him?

~*~

Abby lay in bed that night remembering.

_"Miss Lockhart, the doctor will see you now."  She got up and followed the nurse into the small enclosed room._

_"Well, Abby, you were right.  You're pregnant.  About three weeks along."  Abby felt a rush of fear and anxiety and embarrassment shoot through her body. _

_"I am?"_

_"Yes," said the doctor smiling and she continued on informing Abby of when to book her next appointment and what to expect in the next few weeks._

_I'm pregnant, she though sadly, confused and lost.  I'm pregnant…_

_"Abby, you have a beautiful daughter," the doctor announced happily and Abby smiled, tired.  She held her arms out and encompassed the little girl in them._

_"She's beautiful," the doctor admitted. Abby smiled at the little girl as the baby began to cry hungrily.  She fed her daughter and the little girl clutched her mother's finger in a strong fist._

_"You're perfect," Abby whispered tearfully._

_"Happy Birthday dear Ashley, Happy Birthday to you!" a chorus of small voices sang out as the little girl sat proudly at the head of the table.  Her face was glowing in the light of the candles and she was grinning broadly._

_"I am four years old now, I am four years old now, I am four years old now, I am four years old now."_

_"Blow them out, Ashley," her mother said softly in her ears and the little girl blew them all out in one try quite unaware of her mother's help before she turned and hugged her mother around the neck happily._

Abby sighed happily in memory but was jolted back to reality by a knock at the door.

"Come in," she called out.

"Hey," Carter sauntered in.  

"Hi," she smiled.

"What have you been doing?" Carter asked.  Abby was seated in a love seat that faced out of the widow. 

"Just thinking," she said quietly.  Carter nodded and took a seat next to her on the overstuffed chair.

"About what?" he asked quietly as she buried her feet beneath her to make room for Carter.

"Just remembering things from a long time ago." Carter nodded and gazed at her.

"From when I was gone," he said understanding and Abby nodded, gazing back at Carter, her heart fluttering.  She thought she had gotten over this whole always being nervous in his presence thing.  But she knew why she felt like this… she was ready for their relationship to progress.  Carter pushed a hair out of her face softly and turned to look out the window.

"I can't tell you how sorry I am that I wasn't there then."  Abby nodded and gestured toward a large picture album on the table next to Carter's elbow.

"Pass me that?" she asked him.  He handed her the large blue book and she opened it to the first page. There were pictures of Ashley in Abby's arms right after she was born.  There were pictures of Ashley in the stroller.  There were pictures of Ashley in the park.  There were pictures of Ashley with her friends, Ashley at her birthday parties, and Ashley at school.  Carter sighed as Abby pointed to all the pictures explaining the circumstance behind each one.

"Thank you," he said as she closed the book with a small thud, "for showing this to me."  Abby nodded and looked at him sadly.

"I'm sorry you couldn't be there," she said softly, "I try not to blame myself, but I still feel guilty sometimes."

"Don't," he said, "It was my fault.  I turned my back on you.  I betrayed you.  You came back even though I didn't deserve it."  Abby sighed and looked back out the window.

"I always wanted you there," she said and a tear trickled down her cheek.

"Abby, don't," he said as the tear dropped onto her cast.  He put his hand on her chin and turned her head to face him, "Please.  I can't bear to see you cry because of me."  She nodded, but the lump was still in her throat and another tear was trickling down her cheek.  Carter wiped it away softly, gazing into her eyes.

"I was always incomplete," she said, her voice shaking, her lower lip trembling.

"It's okay," he whispered quietly, "We're all here together now." He wrapped his arms around her body.  "It's okay," he cooed again.  She breathed in his scent and brought her good arm up to the back of his head, running her hand through his hair.

"I know," she said as they pulled apart.  She took a deep breath to regain her composure, but she found it very hard to do when he was looking at her so intently, "I know."  She tucked her hair behind her ears and took another deep breath.

"Well," he said and it sounded so out of place that Abby chuckled softly. He smiled at her.  He loved hearing her sound so happy.  He drew closer to her and he heard her breath catch in her throat.  He touched lips with her and he could feel her smile as she kissed him back.

**REVIEW!!!!!**


	26. The End

**Mother Dear**

A/N: REVIEW !!! I got 100 reviews!!!! I'm so happy!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything but Ashley.

~*~  
Abby woke up the next morning with a secretive smile plastered on her face.  She couldn't remember feeling this way in so long.  She rolled over in bed and looked at the clock.  She was early getting up so she padded softly to the ensuite to shower before helping Ashley get ready for school.

~*~

The air was warm as she walked across the grounds that afternoon.  She was wearing just a heavy cardigan and the brisk air that swept across her face was refreshing.  She was thinking of what had happened last night.  Actually, not much had happened.  She and Carter has kissed each other silently for a few moments before expressing the love they had for each other and then Carter had gone stating that he had a shift the next morning.  Of course, this was not much to be so excited about, but it was a huge step in their relationship.  Saying 'I love you' met committing to each other and though it felt good to verbalize it, it was also a little bit scary to admit it to him.  It supplied him with a weapon to use against her should they ever quarrel.

As she walked past the stables she marveled at how much had changed recently.  Just a month ago she had been scrimping and saving in New York.  Now she was living a lavish life in a mansion with her daughter and her daughter's father.  She smiled to the air as she returned back to the house.

She hadn't felt this way in such a long time.

~*~

"All done, Abby," said Susan with a bemused smile as she removed the heavy white plaster from Abby's arm.  Abby sighed happily.

"It's about time.  That thing's more trouble than it's worth." Susan grinned at her secretively.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Oh, come on, Susan, what's going on that you're not telling me?" Susan looked shocked, but there was a twinkle in her eyes.

"Nothing!" She laughed.

"No, really, Susan.  You've been weird all day.  Do I have something on my face?"

"No! Honestly, nothing's going on."

"You are impossible."

"Yeah, but you love me all the same."  Abby grinned and winced as she straightened her arm painfully for the first time in nearly a month.

"It'll take a few days," Susan said, "to get back to normal." Abby nodded, thanked Susan again and walked out of the exam room wondering what Susan was keeping from her.

~*~

"Mommy?" Ashley said as Abby and Carter tucked her in that night.

"Yes?" Abby sat on the bed next to Ashley and Carter stood beside her.

"It's all because of your cast that we're here and now that it's gone, is everything going to be the same?" Abby smiled.

"Of course," Carter interjected, "I'm not letting you guys leave that quickly." Ashley grinned and Abby leaned in to place a kiss on the little girl's forehead.

"Mommy?"

"Yes?"

"I'm glad we came to Chicago because I like being a family all together." Carter and Abby smiled warmly at her.

"Me too," Abby agreed and she wiped the girl's hair from her face before standing up and heading out of the room with Carter.

"Good night," she said as she turned out the light.

"Good night, Mommy.  Good night, Daddy.  I love you," came a small voice from the darkness.

"Sweet dreams," Carter said softly as Abby closed the door quietly behind her.  He put his arm around Abby's waist and together they headed down the hall to Abby's room.

~*~

Abby lay in bed a few weeks later with Carter by her side.  She finally had the complete family she had always wanted and everything would be okay.

**The End!**


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